June 22-25, 2023 - Connections retreat in Fort Worth TX for women in Leather
July 7-9, 2023 - NCM Gathering & Board meeting for Leather Family Foundation
August 3-6, 2023 - North West Leather Celebration
August 5, 2023 - House of Mercy and Woodshed Bar Night, Charlotte, NC
August 12, 2023 - The Junction
August 31-September 3, 20223 - M/s mentorship retreat
September 15-17, 2023 - In Leather we Trust
October 6-8, 2023 - Kinkstock at The Junction
October 14-15, 2023 - Atlanta Pride
November 1-5, 2023 - Leather History Preservation Weekend
November 12, 2023 - The Lair, NC
November 16-20, 2023 - CCFF
December 7-11, 2023 - Woodshed in Orlando, FL
December 16, 2023 - Covering at the Farm
January 6, 2024 - Bootblack quilt maintenance weekend at the Farm
January 13, 2024 - The Red Chair, Knoxville, TN
January 27, 2024 - CAPEX, Charlotte, NC
February 2-4, 2024 - Teaching for Lady D in Knoxville, TN
February 10, 2024 - Predicament Bondage - Jacksonville, NC
February 17, 2024 - Dominae of the Carolinas
February 29 - March 3, 2024 - M/s Retreat, Sacramento, CA
March 8-10, 2024 - Leather Leadership Conference
April 16, 2024 - The Junction
May 2-5, 2024 - Northwest Leather Celebration, Sacramento, CA
May 16-19, 2024 - Beyond Leather
June 8, 2024 - PAK
June 13-16, 2024 - SouthEast LeatherFest

Our 2022 title medallions have been neatly packed away, and the shiny new 2023 medallions are ready for action. It is truly our pleasure and privilege to have been asked to stay on and serve SELF and the Southeast Region as the 2023 Master/slave pair.  Thank you for the overwhelming love, support, kind words, and hugs at SELF.  Thank you, Lady Catherine, for your love and belief in us! To the entire staff and volunteers of SELF, thank you for your hard work at the event, and throughout the year.  You are each seen and appreciated.  We know how hard you work behind the scenes, and we are grateful for you.  To Idris, and echo, you both shocked me, and you touched my heart deeply. I am beyond honored! Our hearts are full, and we are ready to get back to work. 

For us this title is so much more than a patch, sash, or a medallion we wear.  It is a call to serve our community in whatever ways we can.  We are excited to work with our 2023 title class which includes Max in Leather, Apollo Bound, Scarlet, and Mara to support the Southeast Region and the community as a whole nationally and internationally.  Our title class is a diverse group, and we each have our areas of expertise and focus. We cover a variety of genders, come from different age groups, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds.  We find strength in those differences and are committed to supporting each other in any way we can.  I hope we can encourage that same supportive and inclusive spirit in the areas of the community we touch this year!

My boy and I enjoy teaching classes about the spectrum of consensual authority transfer dynamics (from play to property), how to build them, and how to sustain them over the long haul.  We enjoy demonstrating how protocols and play can feed and reinforce a dynamic.  We enjoy the conversations, answering questions, and helping people explore the type of dynamic that is right for them at this point in their lives. For some, if not most, a Total Authority Transfer dynamic like we have would be overwhelming or a poor fit, and that’s fine. Dynamics are as unique as the people who engage in them. For some people it is not a romantic relationship, but rather one that is service driven.  For others it is a strongly romantic, sexual, play driven, spiritual, or even a primal bond.    We look forward to adding several new classes to our list this year.  If you are a community leader or producer and are interested in having us teach at your event, please feel free to contact us and let us know how we can support your organization.  If you are an individual, couple, or a poly dynamic and would like to have a conversation or ask questions, please reach out.  We enjoy those personal connections and are here to support you.

The Power of Attitude and Gratitude

An attitude of gratitude means developing a conscious habit of expressing gratitude and appreciation to others for things they do, ways they serve, skills they teach, strengths they bring to the community that directly or indirectly benefited you.  It means being mindful and present enough to notice the ways people make your life better, and for the effort they put in to doing so.  It is heartfelt and genuine. 

The 80/20 rule is still alive and well.  If you have been part of leadership in an organization or served as a volunteer, you know that it is often far less than 20% of the people who do far more than 80% of the work.  Within the community, most of the people in leadership are themselves volunteers.  Even those who are dungeon owners, or producers of major events, usually have a “day job” to pay their bills because I assure you the amount of time they devote to the community in comparison to what little money they make, if any at all, would not equal even minimum wage.  When you attend large conferences, you might think the producers are raking in the money, but you would be incorrect.  The expenses involved with a conference are extreme, hotels often don’t want us and are leery of our community and many of the producers have to be great money managers just to break even.  When there is a profit, most of those producers or dungeon owners are putting the money back into the community by way of scholarships, or improving the spaces we enjoy. 

Most events are taught by presenters who are volunteering their time, they are not paid to teach like they would be in the vanilla world, and in most cases while the presenter is given a ticket to the event where they are teaching, they pay all or most of their own expenses to be there (travel, hotel, food).   Title holders teach and volunteer at most events they attend, they also work hard for the community and the charities that support our community.  I have yet to meet a title holder at a local or regional level who had a title fund that covered even a tenth of their expenses (that’s why we have run pins to help with expenses).

As human beings we are often conditioned to ignore what is “right” in our world, to simply expect it, yet we are quick to acknowledge what is wrong with it.  As a community that is supposed to be known for “acceptance” we aren’t very accepting.  We are quick to be offended, quick to criticize, and slow to offer understanding.  We often “dog pile” or engage in drama and participate in gossip that is frequently unfounded without doing our personal due diligence.  We want to be accepted and heard, yet we are slow to accept others or try to understand a different point of view. We are also critical of ourselves, suck at self-care, and don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to grow (on both sides of the slash).  Psychologically it is called “negative bias”. 

Imagine what would happen mentally and emotionally if you took time to appreciate yourself and others.  What would happen if you looked for the good rather than the imperfect.  What would happen if we look for common ground rather than what divides us? What would happen in your relationships, with play partners, at conferences, in your home dungeon, and with presenters, if you mindfully and authentically were present enough to say thank you for something specific, to show gratitude for the thousand little things that went right rather than the one thing that didn’t. 

I believe most, not all but most, are in leadership and serve for the right reasons, in both their relationships and in the community.  When we have an attitude of gratitude and acceptance, we are focused on the present, not looking in life’s rearview mirror, nor constantly looking at tomorrow. We are acknowledging the good in others, rather than trying to tear them down in order to feel better about ourselves.  By adjusting our attitude, we begin to encourage and empower others rather than create adversarial divisions in the community, or drive people out of the community altogether because they feel unappreciated, unaccepted, or discarded. 

Someone recently asked me for my opinion on how we can actually become the diverse and accepting community we claim to be.  My answer was to challenge ourselves to develop an attitude of gratitude.  To be quick to praise and have the courage to be vulnerable. To paraphrase something a man in the community whom I deeply admire said to me recently: “We use the word community, but few understand what it truly means anymore. Don’t be discouraged, have the courage to be authentic and vulnerable. Remember why you are here. We have to be the example.”  Will you join me?

It is hard to believe we are halfway through our second year of being your Southeast Master/slave pair.  Time has flown by in many ways.  We have grown, both together and individually.  We have worked hard and leaned into our dynamic to pushed through unexpected challenges.  Our teaching schedule has been full.  For those who think being a title holder is easy, you would be mistaken.  Most titleholders work very hard throughout their tenure and well beyond, teaching, volunteering, serving on boards, and contributing to the communities and causes they love.  While not easy, I will say to those of you who might be considering it, it is worth it.  

I remember when Lady Catherine asked us if we would be willing to continue to hold title this past June.  I told her we would be honored to continue to represent the Southeast M/s community and SELF but would like to focus more on traveling and teaching in our region (the first year of our title we were all over the country). Admittedly I thought focusing on the Southeast would mean a slower pace and less travel, LOL.   She smiled a knowing smile (maybe even, ever so slightly, I heard her chuckle).  I have learned over the years THAT look has deep meaning, but she said only “It is your title year and I trust you to represent us well in whatever way you deem appropriate.”  Well… I think we may have actually been scheduled heavier and taught more this year than last (which I didn’t think was possible)!  We have indeed focused on the Southeast primarily, putting lots of miles on the truck rather than flying, and we have LOVED supporting the groups and organizations in our region!!  Additionally, we will be physically traveling twice to California this year, reaching out virtually via zoom, and the last 6 months looks a bit insane!   Our goal is to finish strong!   

January and February 2024

January 6th - We hosted an amazing group of fabulous Bootblacks here at the Sanctuary for the annual Love and Care of the Leather Quilt weekend!!   I can’t say enough about our community bootblacks who work tirelessly, share their passion and their skills with love and laughter, and do so enthusiastically.  Thank you!!!!   

January 13th, 2024.  We will be in Birmingham, Al teaching at The Red Chair.  This will be our first visit to this iconic venue, and I have been told we are in for a treat!

We will be doing a virtual Zoom class January 25th, attending an event in Atlanta on the 26th, and on to attend an event in Charlotte on the 27th (and that’s just January). 

We will kick off February teaching for Lady D in Knoxville on both Friday the 2nd, and Saturday the 3rd.  We will be giving a talk in the same area to Leather folk on Hierarchal relationships and Leather, Sunday the 4th.   Then we are in Jacksonville, NC on the 10th, and leave for California on the 29th.  

Things from there don’t slow down until we slide into home at SELF June 13th – 16th. SELF keeps our schedule up to date on the website as much as possible, and I also have it listed on my FetLife page.  So, when you see us out and about, please say hello.  We may be on the go, but what fuels us is you!

My slave and I have been traveling a lot since our last column and have met some wonderful people.  Many of the places we are going are firsts for us, and that has been by design.  We wanted this year to have a focus on the people that are the backbone of our SE communities who don’t always get the attention they deserve and who work so hard to support the local and regional community.

We visited the Red Chair in Alabama for the first time and came away energized by the reception and love of this beautiful community! They have a wonderful diversity in their attendees and some fantastic leaders in their midst.   We enjoyed our time there tremendously.   

We had an opportunity to present in Knoxville, TN the first weekend of February for two of Lady D’s groups, and brought other members of our Leather House to share their perspectives.  Thank you Lady D for your wonderful hospitality, and to Master Abbie, slave jack, Mistress Jade Savage, and pup frederick for adding your expertise to the weekend.  We had a fantastic time, and to all the Knoxville attendees we appreciate your warm welcome and openness to learning about hierarchical relationships with many flavors! 

We were in Jacksonville, NC the second weekend of February and it was our first time presenting to the group there.  What a wonderful mix of folks, many of whom are military, so thank you for your service and sacrifices.  We hope to see you all again soon.

We will be going back to one of the groups we help found when we lived in Charlotte this coming weekend.  DoC we are excited to come home and visit with dear friends and chosen family! 

March will be a special month for us.  We are teaching a Leadership Intensive at Leather Leadership Conference’s 25th anniversary in Atlanta, and I am honored to have been asked to give the end key note speech for this special conference.  The topic is close to my heart and is on Fortifying Leaders and building Legacy.  LLC and SELF are two events that are formative for many who live in hierarchical dynamics and who lead and teach in the community.  If you haven’t been to these conferences, please consider them both. 

In May we will be in California for the second time this year.  My slave has been asked to be a judge for the Northwest Leather Celebration contests and we are both teaching there.  Ms Rhonda and the entire team at NWLC feel like family to us.  We love them dearly and can’t wait to visit and serve this conference.

Our congratulations and best wishes go out to all those who will be competing for International Titles in Dallas at South Plains Leather Conference in March. We hope you all have wonderful experiences, and a special shout out to our sash sibling Mara who will be competing for the International Person of Leather Title.   

We have had many wonderful and unique experiences at SELF over the years. It has been a place of growth, challenge, service, and excitement for both of us, and has helped us mature in our leather journey as well as in our personal M/s dynamic. This year was no exception to that rule.

The 25th anniversary however was a very different SELF experience for us! We have been attendees many times, we have also presented at SELF many times, but neither of us had ever competed for a title. We were title run virgins!  @Lady Catherine is there a pin for that? LOL.  This was totally unfamiliar territory, and I had no idea what to expect.  For someone like me who hates surprises (control freak that I am), it was WAY outside my comfort zone.  My slave however handled the unknown with ease, and I was extremely proud of him.  (I wonder if handling the unknown comes with the right-side identification?  Hmmmm, something to ponder. 😊)

SELF challenged us in new ways this year and we learned many things. We learned that previous title holders are amazingly supportive and generous with their time. Master Blue and slave sheri, Master IceDog and slave ravyn, went out of their way to answer questions and help us prepare on a very short timetable. In preparing for our interview with questions supplied by Master IceDog and slave ravyn, we had long conversations.  After 7 years in an M/s dynamic I didn’t think there would be much we had not discussed and didn’t know about each other, but those conversations uncovered a few new twists I can’t wait to explore!!  It was a reminder that we are all constantly evolving.

We realized it takes a village to run for these titles.... it isn't easy, but once I told a few people we decided to run, I was humbled by the outpouring of support. Master Ben, Head of our NCM Leather Family collective offered to sponsor one of my auction baskets and supplied a custom made 3 1/2 ft, 16 plat Axel snake whip. JR Cigars donated a collection of cigars, a leather cigar case, cutter and torch lighter, and my Leather House (House of Valor) donated the large bottle of bourbon to accompany the cigars for a Bourbon and Cigar basket combo. Within my Leather House, Abbie and jack became our "handlers" (and if you don't know about handlers, trust me they are absolutely necessary). Abbie made sure my clothes were ready, that my corsets were laced, that I ate, stayed hydrated, was awake when I needed to be, and even ran people out of our room one night so we could get a few hours of sleep. jack did the same for neill and assisted him with errands because in addition to our title run we were scheduled to host a cocktail party meet and greet Thursday night, and we also hosted our Leather House/Family on Friday night to award leather and cover one of our own. Various House members stepped up and took charge of things to take it off our plate and they worked together to ensure things were done. Our House bootblack made sure our leathers were perfect, our House Leather Smith did a quick repair. Our House as a whole, helped newbies to SELF feel more comfortable, and I watched with pride as each member of our House grew from the SELF experience in different ways.

Cavalier Andy and Orange (former title holders themselves, turned “Den parents” to the contestants) watched over us in the “green room” and guided us backstage.  They were extremely supportive and great at wrangling all of us in and giving hugs when we needed them.  In fact, the entire staff of SELF was amazing.  They briefed us, debriefed us, and made sure we had everything we needed. 

Bottomline:  Growth is rarely easy, or comfortable. It takes us past our comfort zones, yet this experience reminded me how very worth it it is. All living things, which includes people and relationships, either grows or dies. Stagnant is never a healthy option for long. I am sure I will need to remind myself of that repeatedly this next year as I navigate my slave and I through the new experiences of our title year as the new Southeast Master/slave 2022. 😊 There will be much to learn, and much to share.  I am excited and I’m grateful for the support system we have around us, which includes Lady Catherine, the SELF staff and board, our Leather House and Family, our title family both past and present, and our many wonderful and supportive friends! Thank you all for what you have done, and will no doubt continue to do to support us this next year! Your calls, notes of congratulations, and invitations mean a great deal to both of us. We appreciate you more than you could ever know.  I would also like to say how fortunate we are to have such wonderful “sash siblings”.  You are all amazing and so deserving of your titles!! (@Apollo – SE Bootblack 2022, @MiaRose – MS SE Leatherfest 2022, @Max – Mr. SE Leatherfest 2022)

A special thanks to our judges (@ Khalid El Bey, Kali Onyx, SwitchyButch, and WaywardSoul) for giving us this phenomenal opportunity.  Thank you for believing in us and in our message.  We appreciate you and will do our best to honor our title and represent well.

We have had so many wonderful experiences since beginning our title year in June!  We have gone to local munches, attended three major conferences (Master/slave Gathering in Wilmington Delaware, the Master/slave Conference in College Park Maryland, and Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta, GA).  At LLC we taught two classes: “The effects of the COVID Pandemic on People and Organizations”, and “Balance or Burnout”, and had an opportunity for a little play time with the wonderful people of FLAIR!  We have also taught virtually at MAsT Clifton on “The Long Haul: Building and Maintaining a strong M/s relationship”, and as things are starting to open back up, our teaching calendar is expanding rapidly, which we love.  If you would like to know where we will be next, I believe the wonderful staff of SELF has our calendar on this website, and you may also find it on my FetLife page which I’m doing my best to update often:  https://fetlife.com/users/3512217/posts.  If you would like us to teach at your event, please reach out.

We have connected with so many people these last few months, made new friends, hugged longtime friends we haven’t seen in years, and have had the opportunity to share our relationship and our experiences over coffee or a meal, as well as in a classroom setting.  One of the unexpected joys of our patches is people feel freer to approach us and ask questions or start deeper conversations.  In addition to approaching us in person, we have gotten calls, emails, and instant messages asking questions about starting or maintaining an Authority Transfer Dynamic, about the Leather Community in general, and about Mental Health challenges in these unique times.

I’m a psychologist and have a passion for helping people suffering from anxiety and depression within our community.  This is a major issue right now due in part to the Covid lock downs and the loss of their kink community support system these last 2+ years.  Even as events are slowly opening up, many are still terrified to plug back in.  Living in fear for almost 3 years takes an enormous toll emotionally and psychologically.  It has also impacted organizations and dungeons, many of them have been forced to close, and some that are opening up are under new leadership who desperately need support.  The LGBTQAI++ community has been hit hard, and many don’t realize suicide rates in this segment of our community has risen by a startling 25% over the last 2 years.  Isolation, and online only contact, has created an environment ripe for predators and abuse within new Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Relationships because individuals are far more vulnerable without the education and support of their community and chosen family. New people exploring these types of relationships often are exposed to poor if not totally misleading information, and at one munch we heard someone talking about M/s dynamics being “strictly pretend” or “extremely abusive”.  Walking up and introducing ourselves to this individual as the Southeast Master/slave 2022 was fun, LOL, but it also allowed us to have a real conversation about authority based relationships and relate it to things he was already familiar with (note: he is currently serving in the military).  Being able to once again offer support and education has been very rewarding but there is much work to do in the community to reach, teach, support, and empower individuals who need the support of their community.  Zoom has been a wonderful tool that helped fill the gap as much as possible during Covid and continues to offer additional contact and education from a distance, but nothing replaces the in-person education and the personalized support that is desperately needed.  I am grateful we are opening back up. 

slave neill and I have also had an opportunity to discuss the topic of neurodivergence within our community.  This is an important issue to us since he struggles with that issue personally and has tried to hide it for most of his life.  Even as a professional in the field I must admit it is hard sometimes to read him or communicate easily when his emotions (which are deep and strong), often don’t match his facial expressions and body language.  Over our 7 ½ years together this has been our biggest challenge.  It has been a difficult learning curve for both of us, but we have grown in unexpected ways as a result.  He has learned to be more open, more congruently expressive, and how to smile and laugh readily.  I have learned to read him better and how to get him to communicate at times he thinks he is communicating but isn’t.  Because of our personal experiences and challenges, and the often-unrecognized prevalence of neurodivergence within our community, we are both excited to see this topic discussed openly at events.  We have been able to learn from others, as well as share what has and is working for us.

Our producer asked us what we were passionate about.  Those of you who know Lady Catherine know she rarely asks a question she doesn’t already know the answer to, and she knows us well, but it made me ask myself how to concisely explain why we chose to run for this title, and why we will go on to South Plains Leatherfest in March of 2023 to compete for the International Title.  My answer was:

We are passionate about the strength diversity brings to our community and recognize we must be mindful in meeting the needs of and valuing all segments of our community. This is inclusive of all gender identifications, roles, age, race, socioeconomic station, education, kink interests, sexual identification, and differing ableness. This is not a checklist, to make a difference we must live this philosophy.

We are passionate about helping support, encourage, and assist those who have been deeply affected by the loss of their community these last few years. 

We are passionate about helping those new to the lifestyle build the type of relationship that meets their needs while staying safe.

We are passionate about educating those within our community who may not have been exposed to real life authority transfer relationships, especially the Master/slave dynamic, and dispel the myths and misinformation.  I want people to understand who W/we are and know that while it is not right for everyone, it is not abusive, is consensual, and deeply feeds those of us who choose to walk this path. My slave and I wear the titles of “Master” and “slave” proudly and without apology!

As we have engaged the community at a broader level these last few months I have added:

Support and add our voice to those who are teaching on neurodivergence.  This is a hugely important issue in our community, and I believe it falls in line with our mental and emotional health agenda.

In closing, I would be completely remiss if I did not thank the many International, and Regional M/s Title holders, including our fabulous current international pair, Master Beast and slave echo, for their support and guidance.  You guys have reached out and embraced us, offered advice, answered questions, made introductions, and we are deeply grateful to each of you who have poured into our lives past, present, and no doubt will in times to come. (((Hugs)))

It is hard to believe we are halfway through our title year!!!! The last 6 months have been a wonderful whirlwind of travel, teaching, meeting new people, reconnecting, and having some deep and very meaningful conversations.  We have treasured each trip, each opportunity to share our journey and encourage others, and have also loved those moments we have intentionally created to continue to grow us.

Since SELF in June, we hit the ground running.  Serving the community and teaching has always been a joy for us, and the last 6 months have been busier than ever. We have been to local munches and discussion groups, as well as conferences like MsG, MsC, and LLC.  Just since our last column update, we have been to and taught at:

*September 25th - MAsT Clifton, NJ-virtual via Zoom
Topic: In it for The Long Haul
https://fetlife.com/events/1179513

*October 15th - DoC presentation in Charlotte
Topic:  “Female Lead Authority Transfer Relationships - from Play to Property”
https://fetlife.com/events/1176476

*November 4/6- Leather History Preservation Weekend
My slave and I were honored to be sponsors of LHPW, and to additionally sponsor both East and West Coast portions of the Leather Quilt being displayed at this event for all to experience.  Many had never seen the quilt in its entirety.
https://fetlife.com/groups/152997/posts/20926088

*December 1-4, 2022 - Taught at Carolina Coastal Fetish Fair
We taught 5 (90 minute) classes and one 3 hour intensive.  We had a blast and were able to answer a lot of questions on authority transfer dynamics as well as help with skill-based information.
https://fetlife.com/events/1071338

*December 11th - presented for MAsT Gettysburg via zoom.
Topic: “Balance or Burnout”

Our schedule for 2023 is starting to get busy too and we are excited!

*January 12th - presenting for MAsT: DC Pan via Zoom
Topic: The Strength of Diversity and including mental and emotional challenges

*March 9-12, 2023 LLC
Classes: 1) Dealing with Drama in your Organization; 2) Same Page Same Book; 3) Know your why!
https://www.leatherleadership.org/

*March 23-26, 2023 - South Plains Leatherfest
Home of the International Master/slave Competition
https://www.southplainsleatherfest.com/home.html

*April 22, 2023 - Teaching at CAPEX (in Charlotte, NC)
Topic:  “Handling Problems in a Power Exchange Relationship”

*May 13, 2023 / Teaching at PAK in Greenville, SC
Topic: Whips

*May 14, 2023 - MAsT Greenville, SC
Topic: Growth, just beyond your comfort zone.

*June 8-11 - Southeast Leatherfest in Atlanta
https://www.seleatherfest.com/

I will have to admit, holding a title is not at all what I thought it was prior to our decision to run.  It is truly amazing, and our experiences have been fantastic.  For those of you who know very little about leather title contests, you are not alone.   I am embarrassed to admit I had virtually no knowledge of them, or what having a title entailed beyond seeing folks on stage a certain events, but when we were approached about running this year, we were told the M/s title was primarily a teaching title and we wanted to be part of the covid recovery and help the community in any way we could.  From the moment we decided to run we received support from previous title holders, and since winning, our producer, Lady Catherine, as well as Regional and International M/s titleholders from around the country have gone out of their way to answer questions and support us.  The current and past title holders I have met are some of the most amazing, hardworking community ambassadors I have ever known!   Those are big shoes to fill, but hopefully when all is said and done, we will have made a positive difference.  That is our goal. 

We are now gearing up for the International M/s competition which will be held at Southplains Leatherfest in Dallas Texas on March 23-26th.  It is going to be a marvelous event and HUGE.  Tomo, the producer, is doing an amazing job and the hotel will be exclusive to the event.  If you are so inclined we would be delighted to have your support there.  We have been honored by the sponsorship of the Woodshed in Orlando (Master Cecil and Darcy) who are helping with our travel, and CatDragon Designs who are assisting with our wardrobe. We are deeply grateful to you both for your support and friendship.  I would also like to thank two of our dear friends and members of our Leather House, Abbie and jack, who will be handling us at Southplains and helping to keep us sane and on task.  We love you guys, and look forward to returning the favor some day!

Lastly, we know the Holidays are difficult for many and would like to take this opportunity to wish you joy with true friends, your family of choice, and those you hold dear.  Please take time for whatever selfcare you need.

In Leather and Service,

Master Varii and slave neill

It is the end of February already, time has flown since we were sashed in June.  We have been very busy, teaching and traveling a lot (usually a few times a month), also volunteering where needed, and things aren’t likely to slow down any time soon.  Old dogs really do learn new tricks, LOL, as we have become skilled with zoom, even enjoy it.  I admit in person classes will always be my preference though.  Before and after a class are often times when those deeper conversations occur and we get an opportunity to really make deep personal connections.  

In March alone we will be gone Thursday through Monday every week, but we aren’t complaining.  In truth those trips, and preparing a lot of our new M/s relationship classes, have provided an opportunity for us to talk about aspects of our dynamic that have become so automatic for us that we have taken them a little for granted (much like a second skin).  Dissecting what we do, asking why we do it, looking for ways to effectively share our relationship, and talk about what we have learned, has helped us grow in new ways. As we have looked at all those things we have also had an opportunity to explore new ways to increase the intensity between us where things have gotten a little too automatic.  Traveling to and from events, and during events when we retire to our room, has given us time to focused solely on us.  That has been a gift in our title year that was totally unexpected.

I have also had an opportunity to share some pieces of my personal life that aren’t obvious.  My father was Cherokee and Creek, my great grandmother was a medicine woman, a shaman, so am I.   My ancestry and its influence on my life runs deep, and though my skin is alabaster, like my mother (English/Irish), my beliefs are firmly rooted in native culture, and I treasure my heritage.  It affects everything I do, gives me strength, feeds my primal nature, and influences my Mastery.    I love that side of myself and as I have shared some of those influences I have discovered many other Native Americans within the community who haven’t talked about those influences on their lives and on their relationships. I look forward to doing some research on this topic at a future date.  If anyone knows of a book about Native Americans in the lifestyle please let me know.  I have my personal experiences but would love to connect with others.

neill and I have been together now a little over 8 years, and before running for Southeast Master/slave I would have told you we knew each other extremely well.  That would have been true, we do, but I have been reminded that people are always evolving.  We have by necessity learned to communicate well over the years, though the two of us communicate differently.  He is neurodivergent, and I happen to think in a very concrete, linear way (complete with at least 3 back up plans for most things, LOL). As you might imagine we have had to develop some heightened communication techniques over the years.  Though I communicate well, I’m not a micromanager, nor is that necessary with my slave; however, I have had to learn to “inspect what I expect” until I am certain we are on the same page, and in the same book.  This actually became a new class that we will debut at LLC in a couple weeks called “Same Page Same Book” and was primarily conceived by my slave because I would say “I thought we were on the same page”, and his response was “me too, but I guess I was in a different book”!   Even with all our time together and the smoothness of our protocols, due to the added conversations necessary while preparing new classes and getting ready to compete for the International M/s title at South Plains Leatherfest in Dallas the end of March, I have developed a new appreciation for the evolution of people and relationships.  We all continue to change, hopefully that is through growth, rather than deterioration due to stagnation, but one thing is certain, neither slave neill nor myself are the same as we were when we started this journey 8 years ago.  We have evolved and continue to do so.  As a Master part of my job is to manage that evolution in ways that keep us growing in the same direction.  Oddly perhaps, our title journey has helped us do that.

A confession:  Being a title holder is very different than I imagined.  Before we ran for the Southeast M/s title, I thought of title contests a little like the leather equivalent of a beauty contest, and make no mistake there are some strikingly gorgeous title holders in our ranks, but we weren’t that. LOL   When it was suggested that we consider running for the title this year, it honestly caught me off guard.  Because it was suggested by someone I respect and trust I decided to look into it.  I discovered the M/s title is primarily a teaching title.  All titles are to some degree, but that is a big part of our responsibility.  We both love to teach and I have done so for decades.  All titles are community service titles…. We help and serve the community in any way possible and always have, so maybe this wasn’t as strange a fit as I originally thought.  Since we are coming out of the covid years of isolation there were gaps to fill and bridges to build.  We decided to roll up our sleeves and help where we could.  What I can tell you now from a very different perspective is title holders, as a whole, are some of the hardest working individuals you will ever meet.  We have had the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing people at all title levels from local club titles, to international title holders, and they all work, they help raise money for charities, raise awareness, and champion community causes that make all our lives better.  They teach, they are empowering leaders, and the vast majority of those we have met are also humble.  We are grateful to have been embraced and supported by this wonderful new family of title holders.  They understand that it isn’t always easy, but it is absolutely worth it in my opinion.  These amazing individuals make a big difference in the community, and they work long after their title years are over.  If you get a chance to say thank you to these individuals, please do.  We have been inspired by those we have met and challenged to be the best Southeast Master/slave we can be.  If you are a leader who wants to become part of this amazing title family, SELF contestant applications are open, but the due date is April 1st.  I promise you, your title year will be both demanding, and one of the most rewarding things you can do in the community.

As we prepare for South Plains Leatherfest and get ready to compete for the International Master/slave 2023 we have been deeply grateful for the support of people and organizations throughout our region.   Some organizations have held special events to raise money to be sponsors (thank you MAsT Greenville and PAK), DoC (Dominae of the Carolinas), BFD (Black Femdoms of Atlanta), dungeons have reached out and embraced us (thank you Woodshed Orlando and the Loft NC), the leather bar we love in Charlotte offered to support us (thank you Woodshed Charlotte/Timothy Lee), CAPEX (our home dungeon in Charlotte), we have also received amazing support from Latinos in Leather and Servant’s Retreat as sponsors, our Leather House and Family (House of Valor and NCM Leather Family), and Fat Unicorn Toys generously  provided awesome and colorful toys for our auction basket (truly a full toy bag worth of amazing stuff complete with glow in the dark materials). 

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank our producer Lady Catherine Gross for her support every step of this wonderful journey, and in helping us navigate the road to International!  Thank you to those who served on our mock panels, a big thank you to previous title holders across the country who have cheered us on and answered many questions.  There have been those who have given us sage advice and needed reminders about self-care (especially sleep, which I truly wish was optional).   I realize there are some terrific M/s pairs in our International title class, and we have some dynamic judges.  I promise you we will go to Dallas ready, will do our best, and if we win we will work very hard to make a positive difference worthy of the support we have received.  We are humbled by your generosity and belief in us!

It is hard to believe it is April 2023.  Time has flown since we were sashed last June.  Slave neill and I have been traveling a lot this year and though we took two weeks off after South Plains to rest and then to host a bio-family reunion, we aren’t slowing down.  On April 22 we will be at CAPEX in Charlotte, NC teaching a class on “Dealing with problems in authority transfer dynamics”, we will also be teaching Energy 101 at the Loft in Gastonia on the 23rd.   In May: We will be at MsG in Wilmington Delaware, 3-8; teaching whips at PAK May 13th in Greenville, SC; teaching at MAsT Greenville, SC May 14th; ; and  Beyond Leather in West Palm Beach, Fl, May 18-21st.   In June we will be returning to where this wild ride began as we slide into home at SELF (Southeast Leatherfest 2023) in Atlanta, GA June 8th -11th.   We will be teaching two classes and serving on a panel at SELF, plus our Leather House is the Leather Quilt sponsor and a Diamond Sponsor as well as hosting two social events. One of our House members is the “Fun Chair” for SELF so we will be there in full force!  If you have never been to SELF we encourage you to attend and experience it. If you have been before, we look forward to seeing you again!  There will be classes, socials, dungeons, leather contests, panels, and the full leather quilt on display!  SELF makes a difference, and this year the theme is EVOLVE so come evolve with us.

As I look back and reflect on our title year thus far I feel incredibly fortunate.  Both neill and I have grown in unexpected ways both individually and together.  The year has been fun as well as challenging at times, but what I will remember most is the incredible people I have met through this experience. 

• It is because of our title year we met Beast and echo (the International Master/slave 2022) who are truly exceptional individuals that give so much of themselves to this community.  They have been, and continue to be, a source of inspiration and examples of how to lead with courage, strength, authenticity, and vulnerability!  We have learned much from their example.
• It is because of our title year we met Daddy Daun and slave girl j (International Master slave 2017), both are wonderful examples of devotion and service to the community! They are honest, encouraging, and they work at finding the beauty in life.  Watching the two of them together is a joy!
• It is because of our title year we met Liza and jody (International Master slave 2011) they truly lead with integrity, kindness, and compassion in all they do.   It is because of them we also met an incredible group of people we now consider friends in the Northwest, and we look forward to growing and deepening those friendships for a lifetime.
• It is because of our title year that we have experienced many firsts, and I must say one of the most memorable firsts I have experienced was giving The Goddess Indigo a lap dance on stage at SPLF!  ROFL – you would have had to be there!   I would like to take this opportunity to wish The Goddess Indigo all the best in her title run for Ms Texas Leather. She is elegant, gorgeous, intelligent, and a wonderful human being!
• It is because of our title year that we realized what we have done in the community over the years actually mattered.  We have been teaching, serving on boards, and volunteering in the community for decades, but during this last year, folks came forward to share their stories, to say thank you, to encourage us, and to support our efforts! We have been touched by the love and support throughout our Southeast community. Please know, each and every one of you are appreciated more than you can imagine! 
• It is because of our title year a woman we have known for well over a decade and considered a friend, became a close confidant, and trusted support. A HUGE thank you to our producer, a force of nature, and a woman with a heart of gold, Lady Catherine Gross.  You are truly #inaclassallyourown.

We look forward to what the future holds. 

It has been our privilege to represent the Southeast, the M/s community, SELF, and female led relationships within our leather community as the SE 2022 Master/slave pair.  It has been both a joy and a challenge; we are grateful for both.

I was recently asked what we learned about ourselves and our community during our title year.  As I thought about my answer, I realized the question covers a lot of territory, but I would like to take this opportunity to share at least part of my answer with you. 

This has been a year of growth for both of us on many levels.  We have been together for over 8 years and as we developed new classes and prepared for competition interviews, we revisited topics we haven't talked about for a long time.  In some areas we realized we had gotten comfortable (i.e., complacent).   It takes very little for activities to move from mindful and meaningful, to simply habit and repetition.  People grow, needs sometimes change, so those conversations were needed to allow us to continue to learn new things about each other, to make a few adjustments, and to continue to grow in new ways.  There were many challenges this last year, some expected and others totally unexpected, but we became stronger individually and together with each challenge we encountered.  We “leaned in” both to each other, and into our dynamic. We evolved!

We met many wonderful people throughout our title year, a number of which we probably would never have met had we not been titleholders.  We developed some lifelong friendships and have become more involved on the national and international stage. 

I learned a lot about titleholders.  I learned that the title holders we respect are some of the hardest working people in our community, and that their service to the community extends long after their title year ends! Many of them are unsung heroes, they serve in whatever way they are needed, often not in ways that put them in the spotlight.  They serve out of love for the community, respect for those who have gone before us, and they attempt to pay it forward at every opportunity.  Those individuals embraced us, encouraged us, and surrounded us with love and support.  They are examples of what I was taught were the fundamental principles of Leather:  Honor, Integrity, Authenticity, and Service.  We are deeply grateful, and we are better people for knowing them!

The M/s title is first and foremost a teaching title and we were busy!  We often attended or taught 2-3 times a month in person somewhere, and also taught classes over Zoom.  We covered 8 states, most more than once, and traveled over 18,000 miles.  We taught on the variety and scope of authority transfer dynamics from play to property (Top/bottom to O/p); the importance of continued growth; building healthy, sustainable authority imbalance dynamics; and talked about M/s dynamics specifically and our version of it while encouraging others to find what works for them.  We taught classes on problem-solving styles within authority transfer relationships and focused on effective communications. We developed a class called “Same page, same book” that addresses power imbalance dynamics and communication techniques when one, or both partners are neurodivergent.  We even had fun with a few skill based classes that looked at how play and/or protocols can reinforce a healthy dynamic.  For us this mission of education and supporting all parts of our community is one we are passionate about.  We taught long before we were titleholders and will continue long after our title year ends, but this past year gave us the opportunity to teach in new places and encouraged us to develop new classes that responded to the needs we saw in the community.  The title patches often appeared to invite people to talk to us and open up more.  They asked us questions about our relationship, and we spent time talking with people who were curious about power imbalance relationships, and some who were struggling to find what worked for them.  They also asked many questions about what Leather means to us, and we were able to share a part of our heart.  Hopefully through the classes and conversations we were able to offer both information and support.  I hope we made a difference for some.   

Traveling and teaching as much as we have, we also became acutely aware of the work that still needs to be done in some areas of our community. Some issues we anticipated, others we did not.  We have seen the challenges, abuse, misinformation, and disconnect that occurred due to the imposed social isolation of the COVID years but are pleased to report that while recovery is still a process, we are seeing amazing resilience as local groups are reestablishing, classes and demos are back, and MAsT groups and other types of support groups are able to meet in person again.  Our community needs each other, and we are thrilled to see local and regional leaders stepping up to meet the needs of the community.  Zoom continues to thrive and that is good.  It gives access to classes and top-tier teachers that many groups could not afford to bring in otherwise, but nothing can replace the hugs, mentorship, and face to face support of our family of choice.   

What we didn’t anticipate was the tolerance for drama and prejudice that we witnessed in some areas.    We would like to believe the leather community is inclusive and honorable by definition, but unfortunately that is not always the case and sometimes that lack of integrity is manifested in surprising ways, especially online.  I have read the studies in the Lancet, Psychiatric journals, and NIH about the effects of social isolation on discrimination, and the deterioration of basic social skills and courtesy, but it was shocking to me to see how much it has impacted our kink community.  There are also a fair number of articles on cyberbullying and online intimidation as a way for individuals with low self-esteem to feel powerful as they sit behind a keyboard.  In my psychology practice I used to call it a game of “I’m OK if you’re not”, but online it appears some individuals think it is a sport.  Others of us have forgotten that not everything we see online or hear via the gossip vine is accurate. As The Goddess Rulz said so eloquently recently “Are we buying our tar and feathers in bulk?”  Sadly, we have seen and experienced more prejudice in the last year than I have seen in my almost four decades of involvement in the community.  Racial and cultural prejudice abounds.  We are a diverse community, and we do a great disservice to people by lumping them into any category strictly based on skin color.  Two people of the same skin color may have completely different cultural influences. In the United States many of us are of mixed ancestry and no, it isn’t always obvious.   In my case I was told I shouldn’t talk about my indigenous heritage even though it is a large part of my belief system and is a treasured part of who I am. I was told I’m “too white” and doing so was disrespectful, or would be seen as using it for personal gain.  I’m deeply grateful to Ms Jay Iron for kicking my ass and setting me straight on that, and Sister, I give you my word I will never again let my voice be silenced.  Agism is rampant, and it isn’t just a disregard for those in the TNG age group as you might expect.  Older members of our community are discounted and told to “sit down and get out of the way” rather than respected and valued for their knowledge, experience, and service.  Misogyny is sadly still alive and well, more in some areas of the country than others, and not always in the areas you might suspect.  I have rarely encountered those attitudes in NC, SC, or Georgia, but have certainly witnessed it this year in other places. For some it is a cultural challenge to be overcome.  Uniquely abled individuals including neurodivergent, those on the autistic spectrum, those who have anxiety or other emotional challenges, and those who have physical challenges, are sometimes misunderstood and have a hard time feeling welcomed.   In many ways it boils down to an attitude of “if you are different from “us” (whichever “us” you want to insert here) we don’t accept you.”  We have become more segregated rather than inclusive during COVID as a whole and have developed a us versus them mentality in some areas.  Don’t misunderstand, special groups and spaces, often referred to as “safe spaces” are at times a needed reprieve, but how can we grow as an inclusive community if we don’t also step out of that comfort zone, share space, and actually get to know each other?   Well, I’m an older, well-educated, indigenous, heteroflexible, Leather Master (She/Her pronouns) who has a fetish for stilettos.  I also have a male slave who is neurodivergent, brilliant, pansexual, strong, and has a dry wit.  LOL, we don’t neatly fit into any box. 

Hopefully, we have helped build bridges of education and inclusion, but we, as a community, need to do better, be better.  Most people in our community talk about the importance of inclusion, but don't always walk the talk.  Inclusion isn't about checking boxes; it is about changing attitudes!  It is about truly accepting people for who they are rather than judging them (good or bad) based solely on gender, sexuality, race, culture, age, or ableness.  Genuine inclusion is about respect (giving it AND being willing to earn it). There are many amazing people, and a few assholes, in every segment of our community.  I suppose it will always be that way, just as it is in other areas of society, but we shouldn’t just accept that behavior in our ranks or make excuses for it.  In my opinion it would be more accurate to judge people based on their attitudes (respect for others) and actions (how they treat others and serve the community) than on any other criteria.  It is my hope as we continue to come together, post the Covid shutdowns, we can build on what I have always thought of as foundational principles of building community through personal responsibility, integrity, and service.  It is counter to what I think of as “leather” to tolerate back biting drama, gossip, prejudice, and cliquishness.  Let’s be adults.  If you hear something that concerns you, try going directly to the person and asking questions.  Recognize that gossip is seldom accurate, but it is always destructive.

This has been one hell of a year!  We are extremely grateful for our producer, Lady Catherine. She has been amazing, and we felt her love and support every step of the way (the same has been true with Jack who I'm convinced is superhuman).  We love you both.  We also want to thank the countless number of people and organizations who supported us throughout the year both in the Southeast and across the country.  Our Leather House and greater leather family were there for us without fail and pitched in to help with anything we needed.  Our title siblings have been incredible, and they are family for life.  Andy has a special place in my heart, and I have a permanent memory of him as “Guardian Andy” standing shoulder to shoulder with my boy at my back when I needed a safe emotional space.  When our handler became ill and needed surgery Scarlett stepped in, came to Dallas, and managed both of us like a pro, and if she had to step away, Tidbit (who I now think of as Goose because of the Top Gun flight suit) and Andy would magically appear. You guys are wonderful, and I would trust you with my life.

While it would be impossible for me to mention everyone who has had a major impact on our lives this year, I need to give a special "Thank You" to Beast and echo, the 2022 International Master/slave title holders!  They blazed a trail that truly inspired us and still does.  They were there to offer congratulations and support the night we were “sashed” at SELF and throughout our title year have led by example.  Their work in the community is astounding, but where they truly shine is one on one.  They genuinely care.  They are leaders who build other leaders and don’t tolerate bullshit.  Beast and echo, neill and I would fight with you in the trenches any day and are honored to call you our friends. 

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