Quazi - 2018 - 2021 SouthEast LeatherFest boy
Quazi is the beloved slave and Alpha boy of Lady Zara. He is a treasured member and guard dog of the Primal Leather Pack he calls family, Trippy and Armed. Quazi is a leatherboy that knows the meaning of hard work. The meaning of being fiercely loyal and protective of those he serves and loves. He is an associate member of Tarheel Leather Club. A tribe member of the House of Stone. And one of the Masters of Mischief and Troop leaders for the Little Leather Scout Troop 42.
New to his leather path and anxious to learn more about the leather culture, he serves as he has been taught. Joyously sharing his misadventures with his owner, like a puppy bringing home a dirty ball, proud of his accomplishments.
He’s a grown man closer to the end of his life than the beginning and he wants to make the most out of every day. He’s always interested in another chew-toy or a nice pair of heels. Living now as he could not in his misspent youth. He is a self-admitted buttercup and still cries when he sings Kiss The Girl from The Little Mermaid. He wears his heart on his sleeve and his feelings close to the surface but delicate isn’t a word that fits him. When he came into the lifestyle the bar was set high and he was noticed. He was the kind of man not to allow disrespect go unchallenged. His rules were firm, you don’t hit someone weaker that you, unless they consent.
He understands clear instruction and a purpose driven life is one that is productive. He’s a busy bee with monthly Little Leather Scout Troop 42 meetings and badges to earn. He’s striving for the goal of “unicorn” which is attained by earning 56 other badges. He wants them all and he’s willing to organize events like little’s gem mining to do it. All very organized with witnesses just to keep things honest and above board. All the badges In their proper place and checked off, if only he could find a pen. He has a pocket full of lighters, doesn’t smoke, and no pen.
He has struggles with keeping on task, acknowledges what he’s done and moves forward. He has never met a stranger and is quick to offer his back to move a table or a shoulder to lean on. He’s courteous and curious about who you are and what new neat thing you have to show him.
His exposure to leather ripped open the need to rekindle the eagerness for life he had as a young man. He knows what it is like to be lonely and ashamed of the little peeking out that made it impossible not to put ice down your back. Developing a way to embrace all facets of himself has consumed his life. He feels he is a better man for having discovered his slavery at the feet of his Goddess and Owner.
He would like to point out, that as a pony, he’ll wander off if left unattended. His Leather journey is one of hope and love and happiness and he chooses not to focus on the negative and Pollyanna his way
through life’s challenges. He is expected to be a good friend, loyal partner, and proud man. He is proud in his service to his Mistress, but has love in his heart for his pack, his tribe, his troop, and his community.
Calendar of Events
MAsT - Raleigh, NC
Submissive Safe Haven Symposium
Marched in the Winston-Salem Pride parade
Columbia Leather Order run - Dewy, Georgia
Leather History Preservation weekend in North Carolina
Sin in The City 2019
Atlanta Mentor Coalition - represented SELF on a board of title holders
Fundraiser for the Red Dragons riders club
Submissive Safe Haven weekend in Mebane, NC.
Tradesmen run, Trademark 33 - Charlotte NC
July - Stars and Stripes Run - TarHeel Leather Club
August - Tobacco Road Chapter of Red Dragons RC First Anniversary Ride
F.A.K.E. Fort Mills Area Kink Educators in South Carolina.
Tarheel Leather Club Run - July 6-8, 2018
July 14 - Kapu-Honu - Littles’ Round Table
August 4th - Little Leather Expo at Kapu Honu.
2018 Charlotte Pride parade carried the gender equality flag
September - SCLC contest at SC Pride in Leather
Greensboro MasT meetings
Dom Con in New Orleans, LA
September 2021 Column
Wow! The last year has been a whirlwind of craziness. The whole world seemed surreal and upended. From the pandemic and “the shelter in place” months to learning to walk again.
COVID-19 shut down the world, sorta. Being an essential employee meant that no matter how I personally felt, I still got up every morning and went to work. Daily grind with a dose of paranoia when someone sneezes. Everything stopped: events, parties, and just plain old get-togethers. The world became the people in my house and the “public” that I had to navigate. In the summer of 2020, I made a change. I got a better job and things were looking up. I was considering grown-up things like putting french drains in the backyard. I look back on it and realize one day was the same as the next until it wasn’t. Three months after starting down the road to a new and interesting career, my world was remade. Coming back from the bank, I was in a terrible car accident. I started learning new words like catastrophic injury, incomplete spinal separation, broken bones, covid restrictions, necrotic tissue, emergency surgery, wound vac, and Charge Nurse. I required two surgeons working on different parts of me at the same time because I do things all the way to the wall. No fender bender for me.
I spent the next two months flat on my back, as still as possible. The days blended into a routine of pain, and vast hours stuck inside my own head. There were additional problems that landed me in and out of ICU and the step-down ward. The day came that I was stable enough and physical, occupational, cognitive recovery began. More endless days spent learning to walk and reuse my right arm and hand. Two different hospitals. Two different rehabilitation facilities. It was a painful, scary, and thought provoking time. I wasn’t always at my best but I did witness first hand some of the things that medical personnel have to deal with in a normal shift. Thank goodness someone else is better suited to that profession than me.
My leather pack, my SELF family, and the community-at-large supported me during a difficult time. I was humbled by the outpouring of affection. While I was trapped in the hospital, my leather sister literally organized sitters for me every day. There was a schedule that rotated with family and friends that came to help keep my spirits up and bring me a ton of different foods to try. Just for fun, my body decided eating wasn’t necessary anymore. I lost a total of 86 pounds in 16 weeks. That rotation of smiling faces and familiar laughter helped me brave all the discomfort, pain, and fear. I got tons of spoiling from specially prepared goodies to difficult to locate treat drinks. I was lucky.
Then I was sent to a center for brain trauma over an hour away from my home where I stayed for another three months. For 7 weeks I could only see my Ma’am or anyone through a screen. I could receive care packages but they had to be left at the curb. The whole time I was in the rehab center I wasn’t allowed visitors due to COVID-19 so video chats and phone calls were all I had. It became a way of life. It was like being in jail without the guards, I was isolated and cut off from the world. It felt like I was in a prison and trapped in my own body, a body that was struggling to do the things I used to do. I came to some truths about myself during my forced physical and spiritual retreat: I realized I am a social person, I really thrive on being around people, and I learned to be grateful in a whole new way.
Due to restrictions, I had no one to talk to but the staff at the rehab. Eventually, I got to know a few of the patients and could once more listen to people talk, gossip, and play games. I taught some of my fellow patients how to play Spades as well as Rummy. I got good at playing BINGO, making folks laugh and teasing the staff. I’m the reason they had to change the code to the nurses office door every week because I memorized it. Ma’am has often said if the door said “don’t open” I would walk in like I owned the place.
My community organized and provided almost $4,000 to help with all the things you don’t think about, for example, doctor’s appointments 4 hours round-trip when I finally got to come home.
Hindsight is 20/20. I had to come to grips with the fact that, for this period of time, I was sometimes an asshole to the people that love me. I apologized and moved on. Ma’am, my leather pack, and my tribe had more patience than I ever knew. For the first time during all this upheaval, I realized people cared about me and loved me because of who I am, not in spite of who I am.
Now my life has really changed. I went from being able to endure and thrive on play and intensity to … well, right now, I don’t even know. Everything in my body has changed. It feels like I’m on overload with all my senses on fire and numb all at the same time. Not to mention, I’m in my feelings all the time. Everything gets to me. I cry at the drop of a hat. Ma’am has taken on the role of calming me down, which isn’t necessarily the best fit. As a male submissive/slave to a Female Dominant, it was my place and satisfaction to take care of Her.
Caring for my Ma’am has been ingrained in me. Growing up around mostly females made it natural to leave the seat down. I didn’t have any real male role models. Discipline, punishment, and authority was all handled by women all my life. It just seems natural to me. So being a slave, submissive, and boy or just involved with a Master/Ma’am is what I need in my life. I craved structure and discipline yet sometimes rebelled against it. This change in my life has also given me time to ponder the relationship I live in.
I have a great life with a woman who leads me down a path toward self enlightenment. She makes me look inside the boxes and gives me the support I need even when I don’t want to deal. She points my head in the right direction, and keeps me from burning it to the ground. She accepts my mood swings and my guilt when I can’t serve her the way I think I should. I’m on the same path, letting her lead the way, but the differences are staggering. I have had to learn new ways to serve, like accepting that she rearranged the kitchen so I could still cook for her. I can load the washer and flip the clothes, but folding and putting things away is a struggle. All the things that seemed so important a year ago have been ground down to a few points. I love Her. I trust that She will encourage my input and suggest a way to move forward. It is still up to me to do what she asks or not. Everyday, even in this “broken” state, I get to choose if I am going to serve in the ways that I can. Going forward I don’t know what my future holds but I know It’s going to be one day at a time, surrounded by love, kindness, and a grateful heart.
June 2018 Column
I am not sure what I am supposed to say in these columns, so I will tell you about running for SouthEast LeatherFest boy. I had never run for anything before in my life except. Well track while in school and I hated that. This was the best experiences of my life. I am terrified of public speaking so that was a hurdle that I overcame. I can spend all day “chewing the fat” but a formalized speech, well that’s different thing. I didn’t win this title alone. I was so worried about talking in front of people, my family gathered once a week for two months. I practiced my speech numerous times before we moved on to a microphone. Hearing my voice and the words helped with “appropriate mic distance” so my words come out right. Trust me, it’s a thing. I had help with everything from people wanting to listen to me talk, friends and family watching and adding observations with my fantasy, and formal wear. My talented bootblacks showed up in my living room floor conditioning and approving of all my leather. Fellowship and laughter while discussing leather culture, tradition, anxiety, and joy.
The competition was a lot of fun preparing for questions and learning who my judges were going to be. I was nervous about what I was going to be asked, but I was reassured at every turn to just be myself. For the first time since entering Ma’am's service, I was having a new adventure at SELF. Usually, my family and I help at SELF by volunteering to assist putting on this event. It was something I looked forward to all year and suddenly, I had a different role at the event.
For the first time in ten years, I was not in service but rather I had people who helped serve me and mine all weekend. Having someone help dress me and look me over to see if I was properly dressed was new and unusual. Having food and water offered before I thought to ask took more getting used to than you might imagine. Each portion of the contest tested my comfort zone, but helped me feel more confident. As it turned out, my speech was the first night and I felt like I aced a pop quiz. After my speech the rest of the competition was easier because I felt like I had done the hard part first.
When I won, I felt like I was on top of the world. I returned home with bountiful congratulations from family, inner circle, and my Tarheel Leather Club. The general kink community has been wonderful and I’ve started to get to know a lot of new people. I have had a great three weeks after with so much love and support. I look forward to the next year.
I will be at the Tarheel Leather Club Run on July 6-8. July 14 I will be at Kapu-Honu for a Littles’ Round Table with little Stevie from SC. August 4th my scout troop will be hosting a Little Leather Expo at Kapu Honu. There will be vendors, classes, and food as well as auctions. All proceeds will go for scouts activities. New people are welcome.
Oct 2018 Column
In July, I went to the Tarheel Leather Club run where I assisted my SELF family with serving cocktails, libations, and laughter. We talked and sang songs, twerked, and even had a deepthroat contest using popsicles during the event. If you don’t know what a RUN is it is like FFA: Food, %ucking, and Alcohol, not in the same order. It was a lot of fun with a drag show and kinky games like ring around the dildo and horseshoes. There I met Poppa Doug who is one of the oldest members of TLC, we watched a video of past TLC events that was put together by a prospect for membership. He explained to me that a lot of his friends had passed away and how things are changing. I listened and understood more about his generation.
I have mingled with other families and clubs in NC and SC. It’s like a kinky family reunion where you tell a dirty joke and they all know the punchline and laugh before you get to the end. During this month, I had the privilege seeing my Ma’am being covered by the community. Let me say that it is a personal and private ceremony and if you are ever asked to attend a covering, please go. You will not forget the experience and you’ll share a special bond with each person in attendance. I have been promoting SELF throughout my local bars, communities, and dungeons. I had a community member print out palm cards and I have made a game of handing them out to people I meet while I am visiting.
In August, I held my second event (Little Leather Expo) where we offered six different classes so that my little scout troup could earn badges. We have fifty six badges to earn and this gives them the opportunity to work toward a special badge. I participated in the Charlotte Pride parade by carrying the gender equality flag. We walked in the front of the parade and rallied the people as we went. Then when we got to the end we ran back to the end of the line just in time to catch the float and ride in again. Watching Master Blue chase a fire truck was worth the trip. The amount of people in Charlotte that came out was phenomenal and uplifting. I had the privilege of attending a pool party at Tradesman Timothy Lee’s house. I had a great time and got to know the Tradesmen better. My brother, Tidbit, now knows how much of a foot whore I am: ask him, he’ll tell you. I have hosted all kinds of people coming into town for roundtables and play parties. The experience has enriched my life.
During all this running doing, I forgot what the number one rule: take care of the property. My body solved that problem and an anxiety attack sent me to the emergency room. Ma’am sat by my side all night, until the doctors cleared me to go home. Now, She’s forced me to slowed down a bit and take my meds properly. A lesson in self-care that I’m more mindful of now.
September brought a jaunt to South Carolina for the SCLC contest at SC Pride in Leather. I was thrilled to watch boy brian do his club proud and win the contest. He is now the South Carolina Leather Ambassador and is well deserving of the title. I went to Greensboro MasT meetings and little scout meetings monthly, maintaining my local connections. I enjoyed teaching a horticulture class instructing the littles on making terrariums. They got to take then home which thrilled my Ma’am. I think she was tired of a house full of empty jars. I probably should have told her why I was saving them. A lesson in communication I won’t soon forget.
In a few days, I am off to Dom Con in New Orleans, LA. It will be my first visit and I am excited to get on the train. It’s my anniversary with Ma’am and we’ve never been on a train. There have been a lot of firsts in the last couple of months.The more people I meet, the more I understand their piece of leather culture, how their stories are different and the same. I am always surprised by how easy it is to make friends when you are genuinely interested in another person’s story. I am looking forward to what the next few months of my adventure bring.
January 2019 Column
My journey continues with a series of new adventures starting with a train ride to New Orleans bound for DOMCON 2018. The train ride was long and hard on the butt but we made it in 24 hours. The scenery was amazing, crossing the Mississippi river and wandering around the streets of NOLA can now be crossed off my bucket list. My advice when traveling by train: bring creature comforts to make the ride easy like a blanket and pillow. Snacks are a must and there is plenty of storage space available for all the things. A peanut butter sandwich is 8 dollars on the train and a can soda is 3 dollars. Preparing for that cost is necessary to avoid sticker shock. When we got there I found myself in little’s headspace often. I loved being in NOLA: the smells, the ambiance of the bayou air, the sounds of jazz being played all over the city, and the food. OMG the food was amazing! I ate crawfish etouffee which is now one of my favorite foods, alligator sausage, and real turtle soup. I know my eclectic stomach had a ball with the soul food I ingested. DOMCON is geared toward professional dominants that get paid for their services to patrons. All are welcome to go but that's the general idea of the event. I met tons of interesting, wonderful people and learned more about myself and my relationships. I encountered dozens of people who had travelled worldwide practicing their kink. Alas, I came back home wanting to return for the food and atmosphere that was New Orleans. When added to the adventure of a Kinky Event and learning new things, it’s a must do.
I marched in the Winston-Salem Pride parade with my family, both Bio and Chosen, my club, and a wall of advocates. The turnout of people was amazing and gave me hope that future kinksters will have the support needed to love who they choose. I attended The South Carolina Leather Contest where Boy Brian from the Tradesmen won a title of his own. Titleholding opens up doors and opportunities for growth. I hope his title year is as amazing as mine has been.
I traveled to the Columbia Leather Order run held at a campground called Deep River in Dewy, Georgia. I stayed in a rustic cabin with a twin bed, table, 2 chairs inside, and 2 chairs outside the tiny house. We drove or walked to the showers and mess hall and it was during October, so the place was decked out in full blown Halloween. Let me say that I have a sorta phobia of clowns and the entire mess hall was covered in them. The meals were served family style in a communal fashion. The great joy of having my hot coffee stirred by a random breast was unexpected but delightful and another great memory. The fellowship I experienced with different leather clubs was phenomenal. I listened to stories about coming out and struggling to find themselves well into the night. I reflected on my own journey of coming into the community as a male bisexual submissive. CLO throws a hell of a run and they make you feel right at home.
I attended the Leather History Preservation weekend in North Carolina. I recommend it for anyone who is interested in learning more about the roots of the leather culture. I met up with old friends and listened to the stories of people in our community. I learned more about my Sash Family. The storytellers discussed their life history and their leather journey. Stories filled with sorrow, joy and laughter that are beautiful to listen to and easy to see the similarity in all our journeys. I met Mama Vi while looking at The Carter Johnson Library. I had the unique opportunity to see our history in the making simply by being present.
My ability to visit different places and folks has made me more mindful of my own journey and grateful that others came before me to ease my way. The underlying story of rebellion and frustration speaks to my soul and influences how I treat those around me. I always seem to have just a few more minutes to talk to someone who needs me. I have experienced great loss in my vanilla world in the last 5 weeks and I am still settling into that new reality. Loss happens and it remakes us. The important things like family, love, acceptance, and joy help to buffer us when life and loss becomes overwhelming. I’m looking forward to 2019 and the wonderful things that are in store for me and my life. I am grateful for my chosen family and friends and in awe of the people who have wandered into my story.
March 2019 Column
In February, I went to Sin in The City were the variety of classes was massive. I had technical choices like CBT and handballing (fisting) and more heart-sensitive material like preparation for catastrophic Illness and death in a Master slave relationship. The classes made me cry, laugh, learn and showed me new things about myself and how I relate to the community. The fellowship from different regions of the county from California to North Carolina and countries in the world like Mexico was outstanding. Fostering learning in many ways beyond classes. The energy there was similar to SELF in all the ways I feel like attending SELF is going home. I watched a girl wearing a pig mask restrained to a frame using only paracord and needles get beat with dragons tails to make her move to the glee of her tormentor. The things I saw made an impression and the people I met brought joy to my journey.
I had the privilege of attending the Atlanta Mentor Coalition where I represented SELF on a board of title holders. We talked about running for a title and how we prepared for the competition. There a lot of questions, laughter, and singing.
I helped with a fundraiser for the Red Dragons riders club. We raised money and food for the Triad Health Project who help provide support and assistance for individuals living with HIV/AIDS and their families. They even provide free STI testing to the public.
I started a new job and still found time to enrich my slaveheart. As always, I attended dozens of events locally and continued to support the organizations that hold my heart. Being a leatherboy is all about learning more about myself, my relationships, and my connection to the larger community.
June 2019 Column
In April, I attended the Submissive Safe Haven weekend in Mebane, NC. Here only the right side of the slash can attend, Dominants are not allowed unless they are teaching a class. Submissives, slaves, and switches take classes on bettering themselves as well as their dynamic. SSH(Submissive Safe Haven) offered a wide array of classes, such as Creating Butler Books, Danger Will Robinson, dating in the kink community, dealing with illness or catastrophic event in your dynamic. Lessons to be learned in identifying problems and becoming more skilled at being solution oriented. Basically, SSH is a place where you can mentally and emotionally recharge.
For me it’s a place to reground myself and recharge. To be around a group of people that understand submission or are just as willing as I to learn more about my submission. Beautiful surroundings complete with a pond that encouraged me to fish. (A childhood passion). Finding an atmosphere that encourages great fellowship with mutual-minded people is regenerating for the soul. No cable, limited internet and way off in the woods makes this one of the best places to attend if you can. There was something relaxing about being able to check in with Ma’am and then be free of any obligation to service. I returned grateful that I have a place of love and warmth. A place where I know what is expected and am loved.
In May, I attended the Tradesmen run, Trademark 33 which is held in Charlotte NC. The theme was Pirates of Leather and let me just say, there was plenty of booty running around. The company is always enjoyable and there were new people to meet and old friends to bite. There was enough alcohol consumed to drown a water buffalo. The pre-contest luncheon came complete with games and “fisiting” a pirate. The drag shows left me wishing for more dollars. The NCLC winner was Relly who I feel will represent North Carolina well in the upcoming year.
And now, I find myself in the drudges of laundry. It’s my job to wash the clothes and pick out what I’d like to wear in just a week when I am returning home to SELF. Ma’am has the final say, she always seems to dress me in ways that don’t make me look like I’m mowing the grass or dressed in the dark. I can’t believe the year is coming to an end. I have learned so much, met so many different people, and listened to the story of their journey. It has touched me in ways I didn’t expect. This is the part where I would like to say I’ve learned to be grateful and mindful of the people who helped shape my journey.
Thank you to my wonderful Ma’am allowed me the privilege to run, compete, and travel to enrich my life in the community. Thank you to everyone who contributed to my journey as 2018 SELF boy. Thank you to the staff and volunteers of SELF whose hard work makes this one of the best events in the Southeast.
October 2019 Column
In July, I went to the Stars and Stripes Run held by the TarHeel Leather Club which was at a hotel in Greensboro, NC. They had a drag show which was a wonderful sight to see and lots of cocktail parties as well. The comradery was amazing as well as the people. I hosted a cocktail party for SELF at the run making my own personal cocktail (Jesus juice) and serving it to the attendees. Maybe next time Ma’am will let me find a nun or a priest to serve it? That would be funny. Trippy and Armed, my leather family, hosted the pan-sexaul dungeon and the Red Dragons (Tobacco Road Chapter) fixed breakfast complete with dragon-shaped pancakes on Saturday morning.
While at the run, I got to witness the North Carolina Bootblack contest. Tricksy won the contest and I hope they have a great year. This contest is a feeder for SELF so I am sure I will see Tricksy again.
I am a founding member of the Tobacco Road Chapter of the Red Dragons MC club. In August, we had our first year anniversary ride and get together. A few members from the Old Dominion Chapter out of Virginia met us in Clarksville, VA. There we spent the weekend at a lake motel overlooking Bugg’s Island and Occoneechee State park. We swam at the pool and walked around the town of Clarksville looking at the thrift and antique shops that lined main street. This was the last time I saw my mother-in-law alive, so it is a bittersweet memory.
In September I had the privilege of speaking F.A.K.E. Fort Mills Area Kink Educators in South Carolina. Here we discussed what it is like being a titleholder, the dos and don'ts as well as all the ups and downs. Talking in front of small groups gives you a feel for the people around you and you can open up with some good discussions. Despite my phone dying and having a bit of difficulty finding the location, I had a blast. Everyone was so nice and asked great questions.
This October I am on my way to the Columbia Leather Order Run called Phoenix Rising which is held at The River’s Edge in Georgia. It’s a clothing optional venue with a heated swimming pool. They go all out with Halloween decorations, which is my favorite holiday, and great food. I was fortunate to attend last year with my leather sister. And I am thrilled to be going Oct 18-20 with family members and my beloved Ma’am. I hope to see you there: it’s well worth the drive for the experience.
January 2020 Column
October brought a wonderful opportunity to take a road trip with my Ma’am and my leather sister. We went to the Columbia Leather Order’s run held at Rivers Edge Campground in GA. I needed a way to nurture my soul by sharing space and enjoying the company of other kinksters in the aftermath of the death of my mother in law. I needed to reground my spirit/energy with nature which helps me process pain, emotional as well as physical. For me, literally planting my feet in the earth helps me process. I find peace by putting my bare feet on grass or my squishing my toes in mud. Chatting around a campfire and delighting in foolishness helped to lift my spirits.
I pestered, pouted, worked my manly magic until I convinced Ma’am to go with me this year. My leather sister and I went last year and had a ball. I have a picture somewhere that would embarrass my sissy to death. CLO never disappoints and we had an outstanding weekend in spite of the chilly rain that settled in for most of the weekend. There was a game room where we play darts and pool. We spent time in our cabin, built a fire in the fireplace and cuddled, reconnecting. We walked the trails from our cabin to other campsites and got drunk with other leather clubs talking and singing. Oh the off-key loud 80s rock ballads that filled the air that night. We surround ourselves with like-minded people and wonderful energy and it helped with some of the pain.
Today, I ended up at Hungry Mothers State Park in the hills of Va, where again I find myself walking in the woods feeling the energy. Taking time in the middle of more sorrow to find something in the natural world that seems so ancient compared to the short time we have on this planet. Talking to the park ranger to pass time, give myself a breath before returning to the
funeral home where I was attending the funeral of one of my leather sisters.
A_hearts_wish was my friend, sister, family, confident, cheerleader, and counselor. I considered her my mentor and advisor for dealing with my own slavery from a slave’s point of view. She understood what it was to wake up every morning and decide to be in service each and every day. She helped me deal with the reality of the day to day with laughter and joy. I will miss teasing her with spiders while she threatened me with clowns. (Our respective phobias) She was easy to talk to and it made sense when she spoke. She showed me that a slave could be an independent strong person and choose to bow to another’s will. She was graceful,fierce, honest, and loyal. I still strived to be that good of a boy. I will miss her dearly and I will hang on to those around me just a little bit tighter for awhile. And that’s okay.
2019 has been and will always be the year that I lost people that were dear to my heart and part of my well being.This year has been hard on my family, my friends, and my own well-being. It has made me realize how often we take life for granted. There always seems to be more time, until the time runs out. We think we are all going to be around forever and put things off until later. Sometimes later doesn’t come. I’m learning to cherish the time we have with each other and make memories. I am learning to let go of small hurts to make way for better memories. I’m looking forward to embracing the new year and hoping this year, maybe I’ll find myself with my feet in the sand at the beach with waves washing over my toes. This year I’ll hug you a little tighter and hold on a little longer.
March 2020 Column
When life is difficult, there is a comfort in the familiar routine of daily ritual and work needs. Every morning I still make Ma’am’s coffee and wake the kid up for school. A brutal truth in life is the sun rises every morning whether you are prepared or not. The last three months started with a candlelight vigil for my lost leather sister which helped me say goodbye and honor the memory of her life. I found myself struggling to attend MAsT meetings and show up at bar night with the leather club. And each time I showed up, I was surrounded by people willing to share the stories of their journey, the people that shaped their leather. It kept me going and doing the work to learn to cope with the hard times. I’ve learned more about my people and found that a shared sorrow leads inevitably to loving memories. By learning from others, I was given the chance to see my own life and leather journey in a different light. Even after all this time, there is more to learn to create a richer life for myself and those around me.
I had the opportunity to attend MAsT in Raleigh, NC, where I listened to Sir Raven Keldera and Joshua Tenpenny as they talked about their book Real Service. They discussed their tour as well as other books.They answered questions and we laughed till we cried. It led me naturally to looking at my own relationships and acknowledging the skills I have and the ones I’ve learned through service. Sometimes it’s making coffee, and other times landscaping the backyard. I am learning to acknowledge my strengths and taking pride in the things I do well. It helps me to work harder in areas where I have room to grow.
My sense of adventure and genuine joy in talking to and meeting new people has led me to trying my hand at co-hosting a class discussion. I’ve been the center of attention many times over the years and a willing “victim”. I’m nervous and excited all at the same. April 17-19, I will be at the Submissive Safe Haven Symposium where I will be assisting in leading an open forum discussion on the journey of the male submissive. In addition, if you need a break from classes there is a nice pond right behind with supplied fishing poles. I’m convinced there is a huge catfish if only I’m patient enough. It’s been two years, still haven’t caught him yet. But I’ll keep trying just the same.
July 2020 Column
I am coming to the end of my second year as SELF boy 2018/19 and it is a bittersweet experience. I can not thank the SELF team and both my title families enough for this amazing experience.
During the last two years, I have had the opportunity to visit kinksters and events all over the country. I've made new friends and learned so much about the way other people view their kink and how that impacts their lives. Representing SELF has given me the opportunity to grow into a better service-oriented boy with a larger worldview. I no longer see myself as an observer in my life. Carrying a title has allowed me to be grateful for my entrance in the leather community being made easier by those people that came before me. I've embraced the idea of helping those that come after me find their own path. I've become less resistant to hearing different opinions and more proactive in helping create a better experience for other kinksters. I know what it is like to feel all alone and out of place. SELF welcomed me into the fold and I see it as part of my job to welcome others. Sometimes a friendly face and making introductions is all a person needs to feel welcomed into the community.
The places and events that I visited have forever shaped my world. I had the chance to fulfill some of my bucket list desires because of the opportunities created from holding a title.
If you can ever get to New Orleans, please go. The food is amazing: eating begets in the french quarter listening to jazz was a bucket list kinda thing. Music was around every corner, musicians with instruments and children drumming on buckets playing for change. The people were friendly and flamboyant. The smell of piss permeated the air till 4 AM, then the streets closed down and they cleaned them.The scene was a mix of pay for play and energy/play. I met people, clubs, and families from all walks of life.
I went to Las Vegas and the scene was also wonderful. The folks were like family, the atmosphere was just like home.
Speaking of home, the SouthEast has its own quaint way of doing things.
The year of 2019/2020 has been the roughest year with family deaths, leather family deaths, as well as friends' deaths. This year really sucked then COVID hit toward the last part and everything just stopped. It was like the world was going full spin then came to a sudden halt.
Can’t wait till I see you all next year.