July 20-23, 2023 - Kink Weekend OKC
September 21-25, 2023 - World Bear Weekend
September 28 - October 2, 2023 - 2023 Women of Drummer Contest Weekend
October 12-15, 2023 - Bootblack Round Up
November 3-5, 2023 - Leather History Preservation Weekend

     My Spring has been beautiful, so far... Florida has been unnecessarily hot, as always. I’ve been working with my House of Kush members to create amazing classes for events like THRIVE and IMsLBB, and I’ll be hosting a Critter Discussion Group this week with HOK as well. I see good things ahead of us, and I am excited. As many of my friends close to my age are wrapping up their college semesters, or even receiving their degrees – my academic journey is only now beginning again. For a few years, my education had been stalled when I’d become stuck in a transfer-purgatory during COVID’s spike. And my whole life, I’ve felt lost in what I should pursue as a career… it wasn’t that I had no interests. It was that I had too many. I wanted to work with animals, or be an entomologist, or psychologist or sex educator, or a practical makeup effects artist, or a professor. My autism gave me the gift of finding intense wonder in everything, and having the passion and focus to dig down rabbit holes – gaining an encyclopedic knowledge on odd, niche things. My parents have odd interests, too. My father, being considered one of the greatest living magicians in the world, and my mom being from a line of Irish-Romani Gypsies who had performed in circuses and magic shows for generations, they understood what it meant to want to do something different. All they have ever wanted is to see me happy, and it shows in everything they say and do. When I’d come out as transgender, the acceptance was instantaneous. When I told them about my title and what it meant, they were proud of me, and wanted to learn more. And when I recently settled on a career choice I was satisfied with, they supported me wholeheartedly.

     I’ve finally been able to apply to – and have been accepted into – a program in St. Petersburg for Funerary Service. I’d like to be a mortician and green death reform activist. I think it’s a noble enough cause… I’ve always been a little morbid, and I have a Service Heart, after all. I am a servant to my Leather community, a servant to nature & Mother Earth, and a servant to the dead and the grieving. I am here for humanity to the end. If as a kinkster I am here to savor the ecstasy of life and love, so too must I feel, understand, and preach the world’s agonies. There is an innate sensuality to just being human... How lucky we are, to be alive. Please forgive me for ever forgetting.

     Something else I am excited for in my life is the development of a bit of a side hustle of mine, turned into a legal sole proprietorship. Having a broad interest in the macabre since childhood, I also have always held a fascination with insects, and have been keeping them for years. I’ve kept exotic beetles, mantises, butterflies, and other creatures. Now, as an invertebrate husbandry hobbyist I’ve expanded to isopods, jumping spiders, tarantulas, scorpions, tailless whip scorpions, and ornamental freshwater shrimp. I just keep and breed them at home, my poor parents. I’ve also started a flesh-eating dermestid (aptly named “leather beetle”) colony in order to skeletonize naturally deceased animals… stay weird.

     So… my reign as SouthEast Bootblack 2022 is over – the end of an era. How fitting it is for Spring, then, to now be reborn and officially appointed as SouthEast Bootblack 2023, alongside joining SELF’s staff as a member of the Social Media Presence Team. What I hope goes down in the record for me is what I hope to continue as a titleholder still. “Once ours, always ours,” is something we say at SELF. The reason I’ve chosen to stay is because I am humbled that they’d want me to. My heart belongs to this organization and its purpose, its philosophy. That we are meant to care for each other, even beyond the function of our labels or titles. My becoming a titleholder showed future title contestants – and young Bootblacks – that where you came from is not an obstacle, it’s where you’re going. In the same way that love is not two people looking at each other, but two people looking forward in the same direction; SELF saw that even if I stood alone, I stood with a purpose and was looking forward. They saw someone who wouldn’t give up on their title but would eventually come to SELF to stay. They saw that becoming a SELF titleholder would provide me the network I needed to make the change I wanted to see. As the eclectic, odd character that came from a variety of backgrounds and interests, I showed titleholders can be… different. I have to thank them for that. For believing in me. For treating me seriously.

     I hope that I serve you well in 2023, as I hope I served you well the year prior. This time has been life-changing, for me. And I promise, as always, to keep moving forward. As I implore you to.

In Leather and Solidarity,

Apollo

So far on my journey as a Titleholder, I’ve already been to so many places. The first stop after winning was TES Fest in Piscataway, New Jersey, where I was graciously hosted and fed by Sir Edgar and slave raven (Thank you! Y’all are my conference parents basically).

I remember how friendly and accommodating the staff were — both the TES volunteers, and the hotel staff. I signed on as a Bootblack volunteer, and was thankfully still able to attend many classes, too. Dr. Phoenix, I recall (and loved) your Bootblacking course where you covered our history. I appreciate you letting me pitch in with my thoughts and questions. We will always have new things to learn in Leather. I was told afterward how honored you were I even showed… Doctor, YOU are an amazing, knowledgeable Bootblack and I cannot wait to see you again at Bootblack Round Up. I think we should always remember our place as a Titleholder that we are in service to our community — I am a student before I am anything, even when I reach the level of teaching others. I learned from you, so I am humbled by you. Our other Bootblack, Ana, calls me her Bootblack child now. We had wonderful conversations between clients at the stands. Thank you for watching over me. You also reminded me of the importance of Bootblacks, AND how we must stand up for ourselves. At TES Fest, this was my first taste of the weight that holding a Title has. Not in power, but connection. The eyes on you. I was generously provided everything I needed when I needed it, and was granted the trust of doing what I needed to do. And I made so many new friends. Thank you TES!

Second location was the Master/slave Gathering… oh my. What do I say to you all! Probably one of the most enlightening experiences on my M/s journey. I wasn’t meant to be a Bootblack that weekend but I couldn’t help to shine a couple of y’all’s boots. I taught an almost 3 hour-long Bootblacking intensive and a discussion on Asexuality in the Leather and Kink communities, and both were a success according to the encouraged feedback!

The most insight I think I received was from those I got to speak to after chasing them down post-Masters Circle: Sir Robert and Master Penguin. slave ginna, you are a joy and an inspiration. I hope to see more parents be like how you and Master Penguin are to your children, one day. Master Varii and slave neill, it was lovely to see you there… you were as kind, generous, and protective as always. Thank you for showing your support in attending my classes. Mia, Mia Rose… you are so strong and brave. I am proud to call you my Title family.  Master Jim and dee, you guys were awesome! Thank you for your contributions in my Asexuality class and for inviting me to write for you on the subject further.

The slave panel was, well, amazing. To hear how it makes EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of your slavehearts *sing* to make your Masters happy. slaves and those in service – I see know more than I admit I did – are some of the most generous, open-hearted, caring, talented people you will ever meet. WE, as Leatherfolk, are all in service to our community. That is what we’re here for, what we do. Myself, as someone more drawn to the left side of the slash in M/s and D/s, find that we are in service just as a slave may be in service to us. They’ve trusted You, and given You permission and consent to hold responsibility and power over them, a power they, in the back of everything, will always hold the power to take away. We forget that, and take them for granted sometimes I think.  There was a change in me, hearing so many different perspectives of M/s. Especially as a Dominant and interested Master listening to perspectives such as those on the right side of the slash.

And of course, getting to see Lady Catherine & jack, and the rest of my chosen family. What a weekend.

Next on my travels was Ritual Steel, right here at my home in Orlando at The Woodshed. The facilitator team absolutely rocked and made the space feel so comfortable, thank you. I had never before been able to experience body-based rituals in this manner, and I am forever a different person. To experience catharsis and introspection through pain, and to see those raw moments that others endure. I had the fortune of attending with Mr. SELF Max! Thank you for sharing your intimate experience with me.

Lastly, and most recently, I attended the Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta just the other weekend! I was humbled and honored to have been invited to black and even to coordinate. I, of course, could not resist the offer when invited by The Woodshed, Master Cecil & Darcy themselves! Thank you for having me on your mind. Kinky Trivia was also a BLAST! And of course, it was exciting to see Max, Master Varii and slave neill again.
LLC weekend reminded me once again of the importance and value of Bootblacks. There were times during discussions where I am also reminded of how important accountability and calling *in* is in the community.

Finally, I had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that weekend of attending the famous dungeon 1763 before it closed forever. Thank you Lani Rope for inviting me to the Black and Blue High Protocol Ball, and to Travis and Decadent Desires for hosting! The experience changed my journey as a kinskter, too.

Otherwise, god knows how many various other virtual classes I’ve attended at this point… I attended the virtual Service Oriented Conference, which was wonderful! I attended a hybrid-style Knife Play class from The Woodshed presented by a friend. I attended a class on impact hosted by my House of Kush presented by another friend.  So much growth and friendship these days! That’s one of the things I’m grateful for about my title, you can really get out of your shell if you let yourself.

And as I’ve said, I am always pursuing knowledge.

I personally hosted a Zoom discussion two days ago on AntiRomanyism (Discrimination of and Misinformation on Gypsies) in Kink, Leather, and beyond, and how we diversify and decolonize our mindsets to include more people such as myself in our conversations. I am a proud mouthful: an autistic, alternative, androgynous, queer, polyamorous, panromantic demisexual trans-nonbinary mixed Lebanese/Romani human! I think I hit BINGO for the most eclectic Bootblack Titleholder award, thank you!  And I just want to say, because I can’t say thank you enough… I appreciate everyone for their support and believing in me.

Until my journey brings me back to report to you all.

In Leather,
Apollo

Running for SouthEast Bootblack 2022 made the weekend feel simultaneously like a whirlwind, and like it was going at a snail's pace. The Bootblack Title runner’s schedule is particularly tight given there is a certain technicality to this position, and I felt like I barely had more than 5 minutes alone in my room at a time because I was either in the middle of a competition category, inhaling food, or socializing as is equally expected of me as a contestant. The only time I was really in my room was to sleep or shower.

So, it was over a month of intense, nonstop prep for me as SELFs contest approached… all for one weekend and 10 minutes on a stage. That, to me, was worth it. It was all worth it. 

I received so many kind words that weekend. That I was so well-spoken, that I can do an amazing shine, that I present myself well and that I’m an easy person to give points to… certainly helps my confidence! But when I won, it felt… 

Well, I’d first argue that I didn’t “win” anything.

I didn’t get “finally recognized” for something I “deserved” – though everyone there would fight anyone who’d say I didn’t deserve it – but it felt… natural. I was confident I’d earn the Title, as was everyone else. I was their dark horse, as I was called multiple times this weekend. I worked hard to get where I am, and I presented my raw and honest self as best I could. I am a Bootblack at my core, and now I bear the badge of honor that shows I’m one on the outside, too. I am proud of myself for being brave, and I am proud to represent my community and I hope I do it well. 

So when I won, I stepped into a place I felt at home in. I was hugged, I was congratulated, I was wrapped into conversations of being at other, future events, I got the whole spiel. I realized more readily how important this was… to me, and to my community. I have responsibilities now. However, I will take them on happily and responsibly, because that’s my job now, too. 

I’ve learned quite a lot, as well. I learned to stay open, humble, and honest. I learned a lot about Leather, about my community members, about Title Holding, and most essentially… about myself. 

I was a Bootblack, but was I a Leatherperson? Like how some nonbinary people do not identify under the Transgender label despite some arguing they are technically so anyway, I identified myself with bootblacking but not with Leather. I wanted to do things the “right” way, I wanted to be respectful. I felt I hadn’t deserved the label of Leather yet because… well, I hardly owned any leather, and I felt I didn’t know the history and significance of the culture well enough yet. However, at SELF I realized two things. 

One, Bootblacks ARE Leather. 

And two, Leather is not what I thought it was anyway. Leather is a never-ending quest — you are eternally an ever-growing student of Leather. And there is no RIGHT WAY! There is simply your way. Your family’s way. Your House’s way. And Leather is not what you wear, not entirely. Some people wear leather but aren’t Leather. Y’know. Leather is how you choose to walk through life.

I underwent a metamorphosis from an apprehensive, unsure Leather-interested person that weekend to A, capital A Leatherperson. To me, Leather now means being who you are wholly, naturally, and authentically. It means being a pillar of my community and being of service to them. It means entering a Leather space and feeling at home. 

Over this next year, I am so excited to get to be the educator I’ve always dreamed of being, and being able to further give back to my community. I am excited for all the events I’ll be attending where I get to be surrounded by my people, and get to meet so many more of you! And I look forward to all the exciting new places I get to travel thanks to SELF. 

Speaking of thanks… Thank you to those of you that made me realize who I am. That helped me find my soul, my family, and my purpose. 

Firstly, I want to thank my primary partner Elliot for being my guard dog and calming force that weekend. Thank you to friend & play partner Autrui and my pack for having my back and helping me prepare. Thank you to my friend Lilith for keeping me organized. Thank you to my titleholder family: Ms. Mia Rose, Max, Master Varii and slave neill — for being so passionate, strong, brave and supportive. 

Thank you to Master Cecil and The Woodshed Orlando for sponsoring me, taking me in, and being the foundation of my community. Thank you to Sir Leo and leathergem for your kind words that strengthened my resilience to move forward. Thank you to Lady Catherine for believing in me and encouraging me to run. 

Thank you to my auction basket donors: Chromaknotz, Beyond Piercing, Dye Addict Rope, P&C Creations MI, Lady Eos Products, Paradox at Battle Born Leather Care, Master Penguin, Sir Crow, and Olliefoxx Leather. You rock! 

Thank you to my Den Parents, Cavalier Andy and Jennifer for keeping me focused, on-track, confident and calm. Thank you Tidbit and Ms. Tori for being my guides and being SELFs amazing Bootblack Coordinators. 

Thank you to my technical judges Lee and AJ for being kind, knowledgeable, and supportive. Thank you to Kupcake for being another amazing local bootblack and technical judge! Thank you to head judge Khalid for your warmth, smiles, and guidance. Thank you to surprise judge WaywardSoul for sitting in my stand and having one of the vital conversations with me that changed my perspective of Leather. Thank you to judge SwitchyButch for your invigorating, interesting questions. Thank you to judge Kali Onyx for your insightful conversations.

(and can’t forget! — Thank you Country! It was an honor to shine your boots, to follow the lineage of winners who got to touch them, and to hear your stories.) 

Thank you to Boris for sitting in my stand, too, and being very funny! Thank you to Sir Edgar and slave raven for reminding me to drink water. Thank you to Jack, Miss Bettie, Scarlett, ABizzy, and Dawn for keeping things running. Thank you to our past Titleholders 2019 and beyond for paving the way and being the pillars I looked up to until I made it here, myself. Thank you to Something Wicked for your generosity and gift to me after my win. 

 And finally, thank you to all the rest of the attendees, volunteers, and SELF staff that over the course of the weekend changed my perspective of Leather. Thank you. 

So far on my journey as a Titleholder, I’ve already been to so many places.

The first stop after winning was TES Fest in Piscataway, New Jersey, where I was graciously hosted and fed by Sir Edgar and slave raven (Thank you! Y’all are my conference parents basically).

I remember how friendly and accommodating the staff were — both the TES volunteers, and the hotel staff. I signed on as a Bootblack volunteer, and was thankfully still able to attend many classes, too. Dr. Phoenix, I recall (and loved) your Bootblacking course where you covered our history. I appreciate you letting me pitch in with my thoughts and questions. We will always have new things to learn in Leather. I was told afterward how honored you were I even showed.  Doctor, YOU are an amazing, knowledgeable Bootblack and I cannot wait to see you again at Bootblack Round Up. I think we should always remember our place as a Titleholder that we are in service to our community — I am a student before I am anything, even when I reach the level of teaching others. I learned from you, so I am humbled by you. 

Our other Bootblack, Ana, calls me her Bootblack child now. We had wonderful conversations between clients at the stands. Thank you for watching over me. You also reminded me of the importance of Bootblacks, AND how we must stand up for ourselves.

At TES Fest, this was my first taste of the weight that holding a Title has. Not in power, but connection. The eyes on you. I was generously provided everything I needed when I needed it, and was granted the trust of doing what I needed to do. And I made so many new friends. Thank you TES!

Second location was the Master/slave Gathering… oh my. What do I say to you all! Probably one of the most enlightening experiences on my M/s journey. I wasn’t meant to be a Bootblack that weekend but I couldn’t help to shine a couple of y’all’s boots. I taught an almost 3 hour-long Bootblacking intensive and a discussion on Asexuality in the Leather and Kink communities, and both were a success according to the encouraged feedback!

The most insight I think I received was from those I got to speak to after chasing them down post-Masters Circle: Sir Robert and Master Penguin. slave ginna, you are a joy and an inspiration. I hope to see more parents be like how you and Master Penguin are to your children, one day. Master Varii and slave neill, it was lovely to see you there… you were as kind, generous, and protective as always. Thank you for showing your support in attending my classes. Mia, Mia Rose… you are so strong and brave. I am proud to call you my Title family.

Master Jim and dee, you guys were awesome! Thank you for your contributions in my Asexuality class and for inviting me to write for you on the subject further. 

The slave panel was, well, amazing. To hear how it makes EVERY. SINGLE. ONE of your slavehearts *sing* to make your Masters happy. slaves and those in service – I see know more than I admit I did – are some of the most generous, open-hearted, caring, talented people you will ever meet. WE, as Leatherfolk, are all in service to our community. That is what we’re here for, what we do. Myself, as someone more drawn to the left side of the slash in M/s and D/s, find that we are in service just as a slave may be in service to us. They’ve trusted You, and given You permission and consent to hold responsibility and power over them, a power they, in the back of everything, will always hold the power to take away. We forget that, and take them for granted sometimes I think. 

There was a change in me, hearing so many different perspectives of M/s. Especially as a Dominant and interested Master listening to perspectives such as those on the right side of the slash.

And of course, getting to see Lady Catherine & jack, and the rest of my chosen family. What a weekend.

Next on my travels was Ritual Steel, right here at my home in Orlando at The Woodshed. The facilitator team absolutely rocked and made the space feel so comfortable, thank you. I had never before been able to experience body-based rituals in this manner, and I am forever a different person. To experience catharsis and introspection through pain, and to see those raw moments that others endure. I had the fortune of attending with Mr. SELF Max! Thank you for sharing your intimate experience with me.

Lastly, and most recently, I attended the Leather Leadership Conference in Atlanta just the other weekend! I was humbled and honored to have been invited to black and even to coordinate. I, of course, could not resist the offer when invited by The Woodshed, Master Cecil & Darcy themselves! Thank you for having me on your mind. Kinky Trivia was also a BLAST! And of course, it was exciting to see Max, Master Varii and slave neill again.

LLC weekend reminded me once again of the importance and value of Bootblacks. There were times during discussions where I am also reminded of how important accountability and calling *in* is in the community.

Finally, I had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that weekend of attending the famous dungeon 1763 before it closed forever. Thank you Lani Rope for inviting me to the Black and Blue High Protocol Ball, and to Travis and Decadent Desires for hosting! The experience changed my journey as a kinskter, too.

Otherwise, god knows how many various other virtual classes I’ve attended at this point. I attended the virtual Service Oriented Conference, which was wonderful! I attended a hybrid-style Knife Play class from The Woodshed presented by a friend. I attended a class on impact hosted by my House of Kush presented by another friend.

So much growth and friendship these days! That’s one of the things I’m grateful for about my title, you can really get out of your shell if you let yourself.

And as I’ve said, I am always pursuing knowledge. 

I personally hosted a Zoom discussion two days ago on AntiRomanyism (Discrimination of and Misinformation on Gypsies) in Kink, Leather, and beyond, and how we diversify and decolonize our mindsets to include more people such as myself in our conversations. I am a proud mouthful: an autistic, alternative, androgynous, queer, polyamorous, panromantic demisexual trans-nonbinary mixed Lebanese/Romani human! I think I hit BINGO for the most eclectic Bootblack Titleholder award, thank you!

And I just want to say, because I can’t say thank you enough… I appreciate everyone for their support and believing in me.

Until my journey brings me back to report to you all.

In Leather,

Apollo

I tell people that as a young titleholder, running for a title contest was the most important thing I’ve done in my life, at this point in it.

And it’s not the title itself.

It’s the people you connect with and the places you go traveling, the knowledge you acquire teaching (and attending) classes, and personally, it’s the life skills I’ve acquired as a younger person to help me make my way through the world in other areas of life. I had gone from someone no one knew, to feeling like somebody everybody knows! I feel surrounded by love, care, and support by my Leather community in a way I haven’t felt anywhere else. I was thrust into a position of responsibility that I’ve never held before.

Titleholding taught me how to stand my ground politely but firmly, to represent what I believe in unapologetically, to be a better educator and better communicator – to remember that boundaries are healthy & good. In my time in the community, it’s even aided in my struggle of finding a purpose in life.

Life is not easy with the neurodivergency, mental illness, and chronic health issues I have. But I think… education is something I will pursue for the rest of my life, whether it is within sex & kink or not. And in my time with SELF, I know that I too will become one of those titleholders that will be with Lady Catherine long past my title year being up.

So, thank you to those that helped me reach the point of possessing a title, because in turn I’ve learned how to discover myself.

I wanted to thank CephaloFae and Anomaly Arkansas for the community acknowledgement, and the award given to me by my chosen family for my contributions, referred to during the ceremony as “tireless pursuit of education and stigma smashing!” I am humbled and grateful. This was awarded to me during a time I was struggling greatly in my personal life. Time and time again, I am reminded by those I’ve met through my title that I have value & deserve to take up space, and take it up loudly.

I haven’t traveled very much since my last column update. From the months of October to December, I decided to take a step back from the majority of my titleholder work in order to recoup and take care of myself & my health. If there is any advice I could give to a new titleholder, it would be to remember to take care of yourself. You come first. You are not your title.

There were times before my break where I had to admit that I’d bitten off more than I could chew, because I wanted to push myself to go do all the things and talk to all the people and keep all the promises. But you can’t – it’s impossible to split yourself into pieces to attend them all! So, I thank all those who are patient and kind in awaiting my responses, and I’d like to thank those who run the events or classes I’ve had to reschedule on, for being incredibly understanding of my personal situation.

I want to thank my Leather family, House of Kush, for keeping me strong and being my place of comfort. I see my family’s efforts to educate and be of service, too, and I couldn’t be more proud of my Leather siblings.

Taking breaks is healthy! Titleholding is a lot different from what I’d expected when I ran – and a lot more fun. But it is also a volunteer position that I feel is important & toward something bigger than myself… taking a step back was my best effort to come back refreshed enough to be the best titleholder I can be given the work I feel must be done.

For those interested in running for a title… genuinely, I believe it is an experience of a lifetime. And I am endlessly proud to be a titleholder for an organization such as SELF – to be a representative of a good cause that I believe in, which is community, service, and safe & risk-aware kink education!

With purpose there is hope. Being your SouthEast Bootblack is my purpose and pursuit. It gives me hope for my own future, and for our community’s future. Thank you for believing in me, too.

Honestly?… When I’d initially been asked to run for the SouthEast Bootblack title, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.

I didn’t have an inkling of what Titles meant, or what Titleholders do, their history and significance in the Leather community — none of it. I was a blissfully ignorant, naïve Leather infant. So! I accepted Lady Catherine’s invitation to be a contestant happily (Like I can ever bear to turn Ma’am down, anyway). Obviously that went well, hah! But oh dear… when I finally had it hammered into my head what I’d done, I had the classic Titleholder moment of, “WHAT have I gotten into?!”

But like I’ve said… the judges didn’t just see who I was, but who I could be. I always strive to put my best foot forward as being an honest, trustworthy and kind human. My character is not questioned as is my knowledge or experience. That I don’t own much leather at all. Yet to earn any. My own boots are scuffed. Leather isn’t what you wear, it’s who you are. I went into my Title run simply with the desire to have fun. I was new and unestablished in the Leather community, so… nothing to lose reputation wise really if I ran by myself and lost because my reputation at the time felt very… inconsequential. I just had everything to gain.

I was their dark horse, they’d said. I’d given my technical boot a shine so well-done they were confused, in under an hour with so much time I thought I needed to stall! But I made mistakes, too. I felt the stress, and pressure. Everything I said during interviews and conversations was genuine… but was maybe also said blindly, simply because I am, really, still quite new to this world. Sometimes even still, with the knowledge and skill that I have now… I will forget my own technique, or almost skip a step in the process, or not know how to answer another Bootblack’s question. It doesn’t have to be just about how much technical information you can remember, either. It isn’t about that. That’s why when running for my Bootblack Title, my technical boot and interview were only really a small portion of my overall contest… because titleholding is multidimensional. Your Leather — who you are — shines through much more prominently than whatever polish you’re using.

That’s why I’m so enthused when I hear of someone, or a friend, who is running for a title. Especially a Bootblack title, of course!  What you learn, and who you will meet, when running are golden opportunities. And on the horizon of being a titleholder, the experiences you acquire traveling and doing your work are priceless.

I hope to see lots of familiar faces at SELF this year! I eagerly anticipate what awaits for the future of Bootblacking, and hope to see some fresh faces in the scene, too!… If anyone is considering running for a title but acknowledges they may lack the life experience that comes with age, in my opinion: be not afraid! I believe in you. Just be you.

Shine on,

Apollo

My Spring has been beautiful, so far... Florida has been unnecessarily hot, as always. I’ve been working with my House of Kush members to create amazing classes for events like THRIVE and IMsLBB, and I’ll be hosting a Critter Discussion Group this week with HOK as well. I see good things ahead of us, and I am excited. As many of my friends close to my age are wrapping up their college semesters, or even receiving their degrees – my academic journey is only now beginning again. For a few years, my education had been stalled when I’d become stuck in a transfer-purgatory during COVID’s spike. And my whole life, I’ve felt lost in what I should pursue as a career… it wasn’t that I had no interests. It was that I had too many. I wanted to work with animals, or be an entomologist, or psychologist or sex educator, or a practical makeup effects artist, or a professor. My autism gave me the gift of finding intense wonder in everything, and having the passion and focus to dig down rabbit holes – gaining an encyclopedic knowledge on odd, niche things. My parents have odd interests, too. My father, being considered one of the greatest living magicians in the world, and my mom being from a line of Irish-Romani Gypsies who had performed in circuses and magic shows for generations, they understood what it meant to want to do something different. All they have ever wanted is to see me happy, and it shows in everything they say and do. When I’d come out as transgender, the acceptance was instantaneous. When I told them about my title and what it meant, they were proud of me, and wanted to learn more. And when I recently settled on a career choice I was satisfied with, they supported me wholeheartedly.

I’ve finally been able to apply to – and have been accepted into – a program in St. Petersburg for Funerary Service. I’d like to be a mortician and green death reform activist. I think it’s a noble enough cause… I’ve always been a little morbid, and I have a Service Heart, after all. I am a servant to my Leather community, a servant to nature & Mother Earth, and a servant to the dead and the grieving. I am here for humanity to the end. If as a kinkster I am here to savor the ecstasy of life and love, so too must I feel, understand, and preach the world’s agonies. There is an innate sensuality to just being human... How lucky we are, to be alive. Please forgive me for ever forgetting.

Something else I am excited for in my life is the development of a bit of a side hustle of mine, turned into a legal sole proprietorship. Having a broad interest in the macabre since childhood, I also have always held a fascination with insects, and have been keeping them for years. I’ve kept exotic beetles, mantises, butterflies, and other creatures. Now, as an invertebrate husbandry hobbyist I’ve expanded to isopods, jumping spiders, tarantulas, scorpions, tailless whip scorpions, and ornamental freshwater shrimp. I just keep and breed them at home, my poor parents. I’ve also started a flesh-eating dermestid (aptly named “leather beetle”) colony in order to skeletonize naturally deceased animals… stay weird.

So… my reign as SouthEast Bootblack 2022 is over – the end of an era. How fitting it is for Spring, then, to now be reborn and officially appointed as SouthEast Bootblack 2023, alongside joining SELF’s staff as a member of the Social Media Presence Team. What I hope goes down in the record for me is what I hope to continue as a titleholder still. “Once ours, always ours,” is something we say at SELF. The reason I’ve chosen to stay is because I am humbled that they’d want me to. My heart belongs to this organization and its purpose, its philosophy. That we are meant to care for each other, even beyond the function of our labels or titles. My becoming a titleholder showed future title contestants – and young Bootblacks – that where you came from is not an obstacle, it’s where you’re going. In the same way that love is not two people looking at each other, but two people looking forward in the same direction; SELF saw that even if I stood alone, I stood with a purpose and was looking forward. They saw someone who wouldn’t give up on their title but would eventually come to SELF to stay. They saw that becoming a SELF titleholder would provide me the network I needed to make the change I wanted to see. As the eclectic, odd character that came from a variety of backgrounds and interests, I showed titleholders can be… different. I have to thank them for that. For believing in me. For treating me seriously.

I hope that I serve you well in 2023, as I hope I served you well the year prior. This time has been life-changing, for me. And I promise, as always, to keep moving forward. As I implore you to.

In Leather and Solidarity,

Apollo

So, our title year has drawn to a close.

The emotions I feel about it are complex, but not at all negative.

I look back at the photos of my sash family from that contest weekend, and I am overwhelmed by intense feelings of joy, love, pride, honor, and bittersweet – it moves me to tears every time, if only just to even think about. I am in tears now, as I pour my heart out to you all in a level of vulnerability that I hope I’ve carried across the board during my year. I see the photos of myself alongside Ms. SELF Mia Rose, SELF M/s Master Varii & slave neill, and Mr. SELF Max on the night of the final contest before winning… and we all look so happy, because it was true. None of us *really* knew if we would be winning once we left backstage, but we were still celebrating, and supporting each other all the same. As we near our end-of-reign together, I just wanted everyone to know how grateful I am… to have a sash family that actually feels like FAMILY. We’ve been there for each other since day one, and will continue to. This is only just the beginning of our lives together, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us.

Thank you, Miss Mia, mi hermana. You have become my family, beyond the sash. You support me unwaveringly. We have been vulnerable to each other emotionally, we’ve made each other cry (in the best way). I was honored to have been by your side during your run for IMsL. I was honored that you asked me to stand by you as your Bootblack, because it wasn’t just to look good at your contest – it was because you really wanted me there. You are, more than anything, such a genuine and passionate human being. I am so proud to call you, Ms. SELF 2022, my sister. You step up and represent, at events you don’t just talk to the Leatherfolk but the hotel staff, the wait staff, the housekeeping, the janitors – in Spanish. You lift others up who don’t always have a voice, including mine. If you, or Master Varii had not sent me aid when you knew I needed it, there are some events that changed my life that I would not have otherwise been able to go to, if it weren’t for you. Thank you.

Master Varii, you have impeccable leathers and a strong, gorgeous, powerful, impenetrable presence. You have felt like my protector and guide, and given your Psychology background, our conversations are certainly not “therapy” lol, but… you have insight, openness, sympathy, new perspectives, and reassurance that I am grateful for.

slave neill, you have such a kind soul. You are a friendly face, your expression is soft. I’ve always thought you are one of the funniest men I know, and you have always supported and cared for me, too. Master Varii & you own your M/s – your power exchange is well-formed, fluid, and palpable. You both had an incredible title year, and carried your titles with so much grace. It is no wonder that you now carry the honor of caring for our Leather Quilt, too.

Max, thank you. You’ve got an “older brother” energy to me, and I suppose now that is true, too.  You have stayed in my childhood home, you’ve met my parents. Over our contest weekend, you and I formed a special bond. When we found those brief moments of sharing space privately, I think we both felt through each other that our success was assured.

I have inklings of what the conversation had been like behind closed doors when I ran. And I’ve said it before – that it wasn’t just about who I was (because I think who I was, was already pretty great, hah! Someone who was kind, friendly and passionate) but who I could be. My potential was there. To be the change you wish to see in the world by stepping into a platform & position to be visible and represent what you stand for. To have the network, resources & support to make it happen. All we can do is be genuine, and the rest will fall into place naturally. I really feel that in the end, my year was about authenticity.

To be in that position & platform, you have a form of power, and a voice, and that it does come with a level of responsibility. And even though to be held to such high standards by an entire community, you find a way to lift others up, too. That you stand with people, not above them. And whether they be Bootblacks, or trans folx, or volunteers… you call in the undervalued but vital members of our community and thank them in a way they deserve to be recognized. I think it especially means a lot, to be that example for others not just in what you say but what you do, and that it touches deeply to hear it from someone you admire and care about so greatly. At times we need to hear it the most.

To have the character and belief that it isn’t about “winning” but that it’s about showing up, and that if you can touch and inspire even just one person like you by being up on that stage then you’ll be happy… then I know that someone is a titleholder in the making. Because that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it. We’re here to give back to others like us, and who have been there for us, too. To me the question isn’t “What is Leather?” it is “What is Leather to you?” – Your Leather may not be my Leather, and a lotta the time that’s okay. But we are neither a monolith, nor what a lot of people think we are, anyway. I’ve changed folx’ worldview about Leather by sharing my passion, joy, and positive experiences.

Through being a titleholder, I’ve felt the growing pains involved with newfound visibility and responsibility. But because of it I have grown so much mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve become a better educator, a better player, a better advocate, a better ambassador and representative, and have become all the better of a man for it, too. My cup, and my heart is full. I am satisfied.

“Once ours, always ours,” is what we say around here. Because my journey also is not over. I genuinely wish to stay with SELF for as long as they’ll have me. I continue to carry the torch, I’ve been asked to join SELF staff – which I accepted, I am more than willing to continue to volunteer, or judge one day, emcee, and help future contestants. And it is not out of any feeling of indebtedness or obligation but out of true desire, love, and passion for what we do and what we stand for.

I’ve yet to judge a contest myself (though I’m sure that will change soon enough), I’d like to think anyone who has would be inclined to agree that… the judges should want… to see you ALL do well. You should all have an equal opportunity to do that, an equal opportunity to show who you are, to prove yourself, and to successfully complete your title contest. Everything they have to say should be in the good faith of the contest. And to not let anything they say to you, or about you, be taken to heart. Here I will also thank Chrissie & Melissa, our Tally Goddesses. Thank you for offering your time, energy, focus, effort, and knowledge to make our contest all the more fair, equitable, and unbiased.

People always ask what you’ll do if you win, but not what you’ll do if you lose. What matters is that you were there. You showed up, you represented, you did the thing. Nobody can ever take this weekend, these moments and these memories from you. That’s one for the history books. Even showing up is a feat in itself.

Leather isn’t what you wear, it’s who you are. I had no leather gear when I ran, and any leather I did wear was almost embarrassingly scuffed or dirty. But my argument was that I was so busy taking care of everybody else, that I never had time to take care of myself. I know now that there are many Bootblacks out there who do not care for their own leathers for a similar reason.

I meet people who have disinterest or even an active distaste for the Leather community. My partner had been the same when I met him. They believe (because they see or hear from the outside), that we are all entitled, pretentious, and gate-keepers. That I would never be accepted by TWUE Leathermen for being a young trans man…. But I have never, in any other category of my life, in any place in the “real world,” have felt more accepted, affirmed, safe, welcome, and loved than here with you all.

Community is, oftentimes, Leather to me. And this community really saved my life. They still do, again and again. I sometimes argue that my chosen Leather family is the only thing still holding me together, these days. Running for a title – in my 22 years on this Earth – was also, to me, the most important decision I have ever made in my life.

When I ran, I didn’t know anybody, and nobody knew who I was. I didn’t even really know what a title was when I applied. It was technically my first SELF besides Mayhem during the pandemic. I became a Bootblack during COVID era – I had no choice but to learn that way. I was totally unprepared, only four weeks before the contest… and no one helped me. If anything I was actively discouraged by some, of whom it hurt to hear from the most because of their own position in the community. They didn’t think I was ready, and assumed I had lost before I even stepped foot in the door given all the odds stacked against me. But I worked every day, shining boots from friends and timing my practice to under an hour for my tech. I wrote my speech alone, made my presentation alone, put together auction baskets alone, planned my fantasy alone. With no assistance or advice.

Lady Catherine had personally implored me to run. What kept me going that whole weekend was that SHE believed in me. That she has a nose for title winners. She was – funnily and surprisingly enough – the only person I knew there, and the most important one. She’d kept in touch with me after meeting at SELF Mayhem, because she’d been delighted and intrigued by the way I thought and spoke. She kept tabs on my newfound Bootblacking journey.

But I was still, completely and utterly alone. Lady Catherine, out of fairness for all, cannot interact with any contestant once they submit an application until the contest is over. I had no handler, and if anything I handled my poor partner Elliot that I dragged along that weekend who was my only support, but slept in the hotel room the majority of the weekend, and therefore had not attended any of my categories besides the contest evening itself.

But I rocked the boat, I challenged the narrative. I was problematic and provocative in the best way. I was their “dark horse,” they said, that I would be the most eccentric Bootblack titleholder ever. That I was something they’d never seen before, I looked and identified and thought and spoke and did things they’d never seen before… and they loved it. Now, all these people are my family, my friends, my safe space, and my home. Now everyone knows who I am…. and I them! Personally. I got to speak with my wonderful Head Judge from that weekend, Khalid El Bey after my win, and the feedback I received was that there were, really, NO complaints or critiques to give. That I did wonderfully, and that I was perfect just the way I was. That he was proud of me. I have to thank him for that, for Khalid to have been such a strong presence but also a kind, comforting, and reassuring one. For seeing me, trusting in me, and believing in me. I still talk to, and I am actually now quite close with, several of my judges from then.

Thank you to Leather Kitty, for not taking any offense that I had not been aware of your Chemistry background, hah. Thank you for correcting me when I had been wrong during my tech interview about how some of my products actually work, and for offering to teach me – so that I may grow rather than be limited by what I don’t even know that I don’t know.

Thank you to my Surprise Judge, WaywardSoul. And I do put emphasis on the “surprise” part. You were the only judge that weekend who sat in my stand. Since then you are still the closest to me out of my judge panel that weekend; you are playful and hilarious, thoughtful and insightful, and supportive. Thank you for all the jokes and memes you send me. It shows me that you care, and that you think about me.

Thank you to SwitchyButch for asking the most difficult, but interesting and thought-provoking questions during my interviews. I did not see them as “gotchas,” but questions to see how I reacted and responded when giving a hard answer, to think on my feet and sit with any discomfort I may feel when faced with a form of “controversy.” Because as titleholders, that kind of thing will come up, and you must show that you are prepared for it.

Thank you to Kali ONYX, for also having been so sweet to me. I felt that you and I had clicked well that weekend over mutual ground & interests! We admitted to each other later, that we both had wished we’d kept more in touch over my title year. I was humbled and honored that you asked me to present for Blood, Sweat & Queers, and I am so excited to have that opportunity with you and BSQ soon!

Thank you to AJ ter kuile, for having so much knowledge & passion for Bootblacking, and for being a friendly face… I was happy to see some Florida Bootblack rep, hah! And to Kupcake - you are so sweet, friendly, talented, and beautiful! Your happy, excitable energy truly rubbed off on me, too. More Florida Bootlack rep… and neurodivergency! You make me feel like there is space for me as an Autistic Bootblack.

To our judge J. Tebias Perry,  I appreciate your support toward events benefiting the efforts to push Leather culture forward. As the youngest titleholder I know, I am aware that I am a symbol of the future of the Leather community and where we are headed. I, too, believe that our Leather community must keep looking forward, and to have a desire to adapt, improve, and grow.

To my dear friend, Captain Lyte: you are a local whom I’ve since become even closer with, as well. I use “family” to describe anyone I’ve grown to love rather than any strict label, and you… are family to me, too. Thank you for being Judge’s Assistant that weekend. I’m sure the Judges appreciated you just as much, too! You were such a comforting presence even then, and I will always remember after my interview, when you ran out the door with me, leaned your head out, and said, “I just wanted to say, that… was AWESOME. You did so well.” Since then I have stayed in your home, and I am again where you’ve trusted me enough to meet your family and your children. I know, to a degree, that behind those closed doors with the judges that you spoke up for me, because you really saw me. I only wish you the best during your run for SELF Person of Leather, this year. I see you, too, and know you have the heart of a titleholder.

Thank you to my Den Parents: Orange (Jen) and Blue (Cavalier Andy). Orange… You were a tough cookie! But through it all, you made me feel so confident after my interview because you told me I rocked that shit. And after getting flustered enough during an incident over the weekend, the passion in your voice when you told me that I was your dark horse, that you don’t let just anyone touch your leathers but you’d let me do your high shines, and that I shouldn’t let anyone make me feel small for being something new… that meant a lot to me. I was humbled that you asked me to do your makeup for the contest!

Andy – I couldn’t have asked for a greater… great-great-great… multiplied-by-something sash granddaddy! I have been watching your transition and gender journey, and I know exactly how you feel. I am so proud of you, and so happy you are more comfortable with who you are, confident in your own body, and know yourself better now. You were a deeply compassionate and gentle man to me over the weekend. You really are my Knight, too.

To my Bootblack Coordinators and friends Tidbit & Mama Tori… You, Ms Tori, had been one of the few to call me before my run and offer any advice you could give, which I greatly appreciated. Y’all are part of my SELF Bootblack titleholder ancestry, too! Mama, you really protected me that weekend. You told me that if anyone else made me upset again, that they had no place near your stands, or me, because you’re my Mama. You’re a caregiver and guide to all your Bootblacks. Tidbit – you are also hilarious, and I know you vouched for me, knowing I had too many stand hours during my contest to seem fair to my energy and wellbeing. So, thank you BOTH for speaking up for me when I could not.

And another “thank you” to all those who had donated to my auction baskets: OllieFoxx Leather, Dye Addict Rope, P&C Creations Michigan, Beyond Piercing, Bootblack Paradox at BattlebornLeathercare, Lady Eos Products, Master Penguin for The Woodshed, Sir Crow, and Chromaknotz. You jumped at the opportunity to support me at a cost to yourselves – through the donations of your beautiful, handmade business products, and I am eternally indebted to you.

An extra-special “Thank you,” to the whole team at SELF that makes my world go ‘round!

Lady Catherine & Jack, I hope you know how much I love you. I see how much work you both put in, every day, and your support of me and the rest of my sash family has never made me feel alone, or without help. I’m sure my sash siblings feel the same.

Notable thanks to the SELF staff… Randi, you give so much back to your community, and I see you do it with so much passion and love. Thank you always, for your patience with me, your kindness and your understanding. You work so hard every day, too. I see you. To tracey, you do all that money-business that would give me a headache if I had to even look at numbers… so thank you. Thank you to Scarlett for being a total sweetie as well as an irreplaceable facet of the SELF family – GOOD LUCK, at your run for Ms. SELF this year! Thank you to Lady Victoria for doing all the program-things. I like to think you’re called “Fun Programming” because YOU are fun – but the technical definition is fine, too! Thank you to GoddessMW, for helping keep all our social media vibrant and running smoothly. Thank you to our TitleAide, ABizzy, for making sure we and all future contestants are well-prepared to be successful! Thank you to Cynthia for being our Volunteer Chair, because who would we be without our volunteers?

Thank you to Dee, my fellow FetLife SPT coworker since I recently joined SELF’s social media team – you and I have much in common, it seems! Not to mention how patient, understanding, supportive, friendly, and excitable you’ve been with me. I love littles. Thank you also to PantherG0ddess for being a big help as a member of SELF’s SPT, too. Thank you Dawn, for being a part of the group alongside my sash family and being our Coordinator. You keep SELF’s website up and running smoothly! Thank you both Brieana & Bea for your amazing (and speedy!) work to make our team some amazing graphics – not just online, but extending to the event weekend! Thank you to Heather S. for being our Lead Staff Photographer, because you take beautiful photos. Thank you to Miss Bettie, for all the work you’ve done for SELF over the years. You and I always have warm, healing, insightful, and enjoyable conversations. Thank you (x2) Miss Bettie for also being my beloved designated carpooling buddy to Atlanta. Thank you to mycalyne for being the best sash mama ever and an amazing Bootblack. Thank you to Devaena for being a helping-hand to all our volunteers. Thank you to HellyFaye for working hard on our Operations team.

Thank you to Country, who’s had that same pair of boots shined by every winning SouthEast Bootblack titleholder since SELF’s inception. You have amazing stories and a kind soul. I cannot describe to you how it felt, to be entrusted to shine those boots, too. To me, it showed that you knew that I would win that weekend – I felt more assured in it, because of you. Your gut-instinct was correct.

Thank you to Sir Edgar & slave raven, and rachael. You’d been there at our contest as a part of Mia’s handler team, but every one of you has become my family, too. I call Sir Edgar and slave raven my “con parents.” You have housed me, fed me, protected me, supported me, and love & care for me. There are no words for how grateful I am. I love you, too. They both were also among the first folx I ever met in the Leather community. You have always, always been kind to me. rachael, too, is a total sweetheart, and a shoulder I know I could lean on when I need it.

And THANK YOU… to all those I had not named but whom I could go on breathlessly gushing about. To everyone I have met during my Leather journey and across my travels. You all made me realize that Leather to me… can also just be about entering a Leather space and feeling like you’re at home. You helped me understand that I am a Leatherman, through-and-through. This is to all those I’ve conversed with, met, played with. To every volunteer – for SELF and every other event – to all my Bootblacks out there… this is for you. It has always been for you. To all those I have watched present, or have hosted safe spaces, play parties, socials, panels, and discussion groups. To all those I have yet to meet in-the-flesh though we’ve been dying to. To all those future contestants… YOU are my community. And I am honored to be a part of your lives, and to have touched you so, as you have me.

I hope I have served you all well, this year. I’d like to think so. None of you would let me think otherwise – the love, warmth, support, affirmation, and acceptance I have felt from my community has been immense. My people… glorious.

In Love, Longevity & Leather,

Apollo

SouthEast Bootblack 2022