Nefarious: Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest 2009
On December 30, 2013 Nefarious, Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest 2009 passed away. His memorial service took place in Spartanburg, SC where many of his friends and family gathered to say goodbye.
As a part of the SELF titleholders family, we would like to take a moment to remember Nefarious and the many ways that he touched and contributed to our communities. The following is an excerpt from his title column journal January 2010 during the second half of his title year. He did 30+ events and fifteen states during his title year. He continued to represent SELF and bring others to the event. He felt opportunity and education was important. It is with this in mind that we have begun a scholarship in his name. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family. Nefarious, you will be missed by many. Thank you for always reaching out a hand to others.
The SouthEast LeatherFest Family
The pictures are of Lady Beth and Michael. Courtesy of Lady Beth. Added note: Lady Beth died a little over a year later. Lady Beth contributed to the knowledge of many in the southeast and outside of our region.
Both will be missed deeply.
Calendar of Events
July 4 Triangle Munch Group annual picnic Raleigh, NC
July 9-12 Apex, NY Summer Bash: Predicament Bondage and Bloodplay. Albany, NY
July 25 CAPEX, Charlotte, NC
August 1&2 T3WD Columbia, SC
August 8 Tampa Munch: “Who’s your Daddy?” and Bedroom Bondage, Tampa, FL
August 22 CAPEX Fundraiser Auction (come bid for me!) Charlotte, NC
September 19 T3WD Fair: TBD Columbia, SC
September 25-27 Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Charlotte, NC: TBD (tent)
October 9-12 DomCom, Atlanta, GA (tent)
June 2009 Column
So, what is the home life of a new title-holder? Let me see… Working on a column. Trying to finish my laundry. Taking care of sick kids. Unpacking and trying to find all the business cards everyone gave me. I have a business card holder for ones to hand out, but someone told me the first thing I need to get is something to collect all the ones that I’m given. Very good advice.
Platforms are difficult to choose. I chose “growth by education” as mine because that idea has shaped my life. From the first time I walked into the first lifestyle event I attended, I’ve been learning and I’ve been growing. Sitting in workshops about subjects I really wasn’t very interested in has opened my eyes to a lot of activities and ideas that, today, I really enjoy. I want to keep growing, discovering who I am and can be, and pass on that joy and excitement.
Winning the title is one more step on my journey. Without the love and support of my friends and family, I know that it would have taken me a lot longer. My life has been a series of changes, and according to a popular motivational speaker, “all change is painful.” There are good times as well as bad. Through it all, there are people who loved me and believed in me. My Leather family, those who have served and therefore helped me grow as a Dominant, my Mentors, brothers, and sisters… each and every one has brought some piece of the truth to me when it was the right time.
It’s amazing how quickly a calendar can fill up. “Required” appearances sound like an imposition, but they are opportunities. I know I have friends that I will get to meet this year. Each group’s energy is different, and I can’t wait to taste it.
Yours in Leather,
Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest 2009
October 2009 Column
“I’ve been on a lot of job interviews, but never one with an audience.” When I said this at SELF, I thought that I had a good idea of how much would be involved. Not so much! Three months and twenty-five-thousand miles later, I’m taking November and December off (best piece of advice I received!). Almost every weekend has been planned, an event, appearance, or presentation. My family and I need some time together.
July 4: For Independence Day weekend, I revisited Triangle Munch Group in NC for the first time in over a year. They have been great supporters of SELF and made us welcome at their annual picnic. A certain Sir seemed to find my boi’s neck interesting and tasty that afternoon, and hasty explanations needed to be made to a concerned mother (can anyone say “awkward?”).
July 11: The next weekend I had been invited to present in New York, my home state, at APeX’s Summer Bash and I had an absolutely wonderful time. The venue has a very spiritual energy and I connected with great people and met friends that I didn’t know I had at the time. Predicament Bondage is probably the most entertaining presentation on my list. Presenting it with an unknown “stunt-bottom” was a blast, her Daddy let me give her a birthday treat later that evening, and grand time was had by all. I debuted a new bloodplay class and the spiritual energy of the venue contributed to the positive experience.
July 25: Later that month, our Family descended on Charlotte, NC. My boi Andy and I marked our first co-presentation on Erotic Bootblacking by chipping one of her teeth during the demo. Granted, it was a small chip but we still laugh because it was during the slow, sensual section, not the rough body-play segment.
August 1: The first weekend in August took us to Columbia SC for T3WD’s anniversary event, a two-day workshop geared specifically for M/s relationships. As presenters, we try to tailor our workshops to the audience. Walking up to a whiteboard and jotting down topics the audience wants to discuss is a very effective way to do that.
August 8: Tampa Munch brought me down to Florida the following weekend for two presentations, both of which went very well. Afterward, we jaunted around, saw a great gay, leather bar, and then went to a social club night. My hostess’s leather dress just came back from the tailor and I wanted to treat it. The scene we had was an energy exchange, worship scene, and something that I had never experienced. I will always stay connected to this lovely woman who helped me tap into an energy I didn’t know that I had within me.
August 15: WINK invited our family down for the bloodplay demo. Orange was in service to me for the first time (“It’s only for the weekend…”) and the four of us headed for the coast. We were told that there was a waiting list for the workshop, and the energy that exploded from what we were doing was palpable. We flew and the energy just kept building throughout the evening. I can’t wait to go back.
August 22: CAPEX invited us again for their fundraiser. They are trying to get a permanent place and SELF was happy to contribute a weekend package to support their efforts. I blacked with my boi, and tied a Viking, and again, a good time was had by all!
September 5: The Red Chair in Birmingham AL had us down to present our Erotic Bootblacking demo. You’ve got to love a demo that is introduced with a disclaimer of “You will see things during this demo that are not allowed during our socials,” and ends with “Now everyone’s horny.” What we do is fun, hot, and we’re supposed to be excited and ride that energy wave.
September 19: T3WD in Columbia SC brought us down to give demos on Decorative Bondage and Bloodplay. Words of wisdom for any who may be inclined to “mouth off” while sitting as a stunt-bottom: do not shoot off at the mouth at the person holding the scalpel just before he starts cutting… especially if the person holding the scalpel is a Tarheel fan and the presentation is in the middle of Gamecock country. After running to Burger King for a Whopper with cheese, we met with the local Leathermen and bootblacked throughout the evening.
September 24-27: I enjoyed returning to the Charlotte Traveling Munch group in NC once again. “Switching” was the topic of the evening, and it was a well-received debut presentation. I was excited to pick up my sash-sister, Miss Rae, at the Charlotte airport so that we could present at the third annual Fetish Fair Fleamarket. The charity auction to support the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) raised over one-thousand dollars to support NCSF’s ongoing work to preserve our rights to live our lives the way we want to. This weekend also marked the first time that Orange and I co-presented (“this is just this one time!”) for the rope presentations. It’s a good thing that she’s read a book about rope by some guy named Brad. Hot demos, bruises that needed to be explained to a different mother… I think it was a fabulous weekend all around.
October will be busy, but November and December will give all of us at Tranquility Keep some much-needed down-time, connection, and time to reflect on the events of the previous year and what our goals are for the future. Always remember, if you’re not having fun doing this, you’re doing something wrong. Stop. Figure it out, then find the joy that brought you here. I’m looking forward to what the future holds.
Yours in Leather,
Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest 2009
January 2010 Column
What we do is about having fun, isn’t it really? Over the last three months, I’ve had more fun than is legally allowed (except for certain areas) and it’s been great. There was only one presentation scheduled going into the last quarter of 2009, but we had so much fun doing it. DomCon invited me down to present Predicament Bondage (always fun), so Orange, Andy, and I went together and ended up doing so much more. If you look at my FetLife pictures, you can see some of the high points. Orange and Andy “warmed up” the class by explaining that I was going to be a few minutes late and why, then laid out the ground rules. Everything goes, it’s resistance play, and as long as the sign for “but more respectfully, Sir” is raised, it’s all good. “Heel training” takes on a whole, new meaning when it involves hobble ties, a plate full of bouncy-balls, and a dragon’s tail! Orange and I participated in a Dominant’s Roundtable discussion which went very well. It was also my first con to bootblack in chair, and I made connections that will always shine as high points in my journey. What I didn’t know was that it was my “final exam” in my apprenticeship as a bootblack. My bootblack Sensei, my slave Andy, wanted to observe me and we blacked together quite a lot. I had to chuckle at one point when one of my SELF judges loudly asked (with a smile) “Is that Nefarious on his knees serving?” My automatic response was, “I serve the community.” It’s what we do. We serve in whatever capacity is necessary for us to keep our community growing and strong. Saturday evening I had two powerful, consecutive blackings. First, I had a beautiful man whom I’ve swooned over (damn you, Andy!!!) let me do his boots and “make it pretty.” Afterward, I literally got to touch leather history; conditioned a pair of boots that once belonged to one of our spiritual elders. The energy that was shared, that experience, moved me to call the Head of our Family, share my awe, and then had to find a quiet place to shed some tears from such a powerful experience (thank you, Sirs, for that honor). The following Saturday my family presented me with my earned belt. They broadsided me with it and, for once, I literally was speechless.
Halloween weekend Andy and I were bound for San Francisco. It was my first major Leather event outside of the SouthEast region, but I was there in a service capacity. My boi Andy, SouthEast LeatherFest BootBlack 2008, competed for International Community BootBlack as part of International Leather Sir/boy. I am very proud to say that my boi competed well (a very, very close third place) and we’re all very, very proud of him. I’m somewhat appalled at myself, though. The night before the competition started we were walking through the Castro district. Gorgeous eye candy and architecture were all around us, but all I kept doing was nudging Andy with “hey, did you see those boots?” Oy! I didn’t get to black as the competitors worked the stands, so I was allowed to help take care of the den. One of the contestants needed occasional help with sign-language interpreting, so if I wasn’t with Andy I was with Evan. I learned sign-language as a JW interpreting our church services. The absurdity of the situation culminated with Evan and I literally rolling on the floor giggling as I tried to figure out how to interpret such phrases as “self-fisting” and things that I never heard of nor thought about when I was learning. When the prizes were being awarded, I was once again broadsided. The bootblacks created an award to thank me for what I’d done, so now I hold the first ever “Silver Brush” award for helping the blacks. I love you all! Y’all suck!
I started my title year focused on growth and learning. I’ve learned more from meeting new people in my travels than I think I’ve taught. I learned to believe in things that I’d sworn off. There are times when you have to believe and open your heart to things that you didn’t think possible. Orange and I started as friends. Our energies harmonized, and I’m very proud to say that she’s taken my collar and will soon take my name as well. Does that make her “Mrs. SELF?” I’ll have to check with Lady Catherine on that…WEG!!!
So, what does the first quarter of 2010 hold for our family? We’re performing in Charlotte, presenting in Virginia and Tennessee, and attending Kinky Prom. On top of that, we’re planning a wedding. Kids, in-laws, ‘nilla stuff… all of those things need attention. When you look at your life and your kink, remember that it is supposed to be a fun part of your life. Make sure that it stays that way. If it isn’t, stop to figure out why and change what you’re doing.
March 2010 Column
Reflections on a year.
These columns generally talk about what we have done over the last few months and what we will be doing in the coming quarter. This one will be no exception, but there will be more. This is my final column for my year as Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest. My year that officially began last June actually started in March when I competed at the North Carolina Leather Contest. Two weeks ago I attended this year's NCLC and had the opportunity to reflect on how much has happened over the past year. It has been an amazing experience and I'm honored that my judges decided that I could represent our region.
Because I front-loaded my title-year, I didn't travel as much as I had from July through December. The Mark in Tennessee invited us to present “Predicament Bondage,” and we had a wonderful time. We made no secret that Orange and I were “beta-testing” this version of the workshop and it went over very well. Instead of standing in front of the attendees for the entire time, we broke it into two sections. We had instruction and demonstration, but the we pushed the chairs back and had everyone interested join in the fun. Hands-on workshops generate a lot of energy, and it flowed that afternoon and well into the evening social. It was so much fun we are planning to make the eight-hour drive in July just because it was a great place to go, and we're really looking forward to our return.
Kinky Prom, a SELF fund-raiser, was an chance to throw-down and party, and that we did. Lots of dancing, hugs, smiles, pictures, and more dancing... the evening flowed as it should. It was great to see people that I hadn't seen since the previous June, and makes me look forward to returning to SELF. It's been a great year and strongly encourage any who wish to run for this title to do so. Win or lose, the process itself is life-changing. More than anything, I've learned a lot about myself over the past year, and with that knowledge has come growth. I didn't realize when I delivered my speech last year that the theme of “learning and growth” would be not just the platform that I would promote, but the year I would have.
So, where do we go from here? Honestly, more of the same. This year has been about reaching out, meeting people, and sharing our journeys. Each of us brings a piece of the truth to the table, and learning those things helps us find our own truth, grow as individuals, and grow as a community. Along with all of that work, finding the joy and fun in our chosen path needs to continue. There are things that we are serious and passionate about. Let's not forget what brings us together. The hot energy of leathersex, the shared enjoyment of each other's company, and the future that we shape with each step along our path.
Yours in Leather,
p.s. For those who read my last column, Orange (Jennifer from Charlotte, NC) and I did get married on March 27th. Not to take away from the amazing experience of carrying the title of Mr. SELF, I do have to say that it has been the highlight of my year. I never did hear back about whether that makes her Mrs. SELF though...LOL!
March 2010 Column
So ends my year as Mr. SouthEast LeatherFest. “Changes” would be a mild euphemism to describe what has happened during the past year. Do I have any regrets? Absolutely. Would I do some things differently? Yes. “Would-a, should-a, could-a” will drive a person insane if you let it. I started this year focusing on the platform of “education and growth.” I've learned much from my experience. I've grown from the experience as well. At the end of the day, I have enjoyed the journey. If my successor has half of the fun that I had this year, he'll be having a hell of a good time.
There are some things that I want to share and acknowledge. The work involved is not in any way, shape, or form just upon the one or two (for M/s) title-holders. I can't name all of the people who have helped in one way or another over the past year. So many have given or offered support: the producers, friends, family, loved ones, and new acquaintances. To each and every one, I say “thank you.” Thank you for making this year memorable, helping me learn and grown, and making this journey one that I will look back upon with a smile.
What's next? I'll continue on my journey of education and growth. Each of us knows that “giving back to the community” is a very high priority on any Leather journey. Keep that in focus. While you look to give to “the community,” remember those next to you. “Community” is not an abstract idea; it is individuals who come together. Remember that there is something bigger than ourselves, but don't forget the people who make up that community. They are the reason there is a community.